18 July 2008

So in Love

Five of us rest in a four-door car. All day we've stood, numb, in long lines, mindlessly watching people. Finally reaching our goal, zero to sixty in 3.5 seconds - screaming and squealing, defying gravity and for one of us, momentarily losing all vision - and it's all over in a minute and a half. Now we're cruising at 72, riding parallel to the setting sun. The sky is washed over with brilliant shades of pink, orange, yellow. The gentle lull of rubber turning over pavement nearly sings me a lullaby, but the steady beat of a familiar song creeps over the speakers. We're each looking out our own windows singing proudly along, "What would people think if they knew that I'm a Jesus Freak? What would people do if they find out it's true?" It gets me thinking but the songs provides the thought, "I don't really care if they label me a 'Jesus Freak'; there ain't no disguising the truth."

I've heard this song numerous times before. Enough, in fact, that I know all the words. But never before have I really meant it. Never before have I felt confident enough in myself because of my identity in Christ to declare that I don't care if people think I'm crazy because I'm living for Jesus. If I love Jesus that much, I should want others to know it.

How do I even begin to summarize the ways in which the Lord has been working in my life this summer? Are there words for such a transformation? The deepest part of my soul has been moved. Can letters be arranged in such a way to communicate the intimacy I feel when I look to my Creator? Or the peace that washes over me like the waves sliding up over the shore when I finally understand who is in control? The truths and concepts are still waiting to be filed away into my mind. They are black ink pressed against the firm pages of my journals, hidden safely for a future review.

The midday summer rain falls with such fervor that I am lost between the cotton sheets of my bed. The day's cares float away and I am no longer consumed by uncertainty. There is something about sleep that has transformed it from a time to recharge to a time to rest in the arms of the One who created me. Evidence of a weary heart has pocked the page of his Word on which Psalm 143 is written.

I am consistently in awe that my big God would even know my name - but he knows everything about me. "O LORD, what is man that you care for him, the son of man that you think of him?" (Psalm 144:3). "The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." (Psalm 145:8-9). I am so in love with my God. My Redeemer, my Creator, My Savior. So in love.


Anonymous said...

Hi Alyssa!

Just stumbled across the link to your blog that I saved earlier this summer and am enjoying it immensely, especially the True Confessions link. I identify with so much of the stuff you write there, even though I'm in my 50s!! It sounds like you're developing a love for the ocean while in Jax. Same for me since I'm now within driving distance of the ocean. Keep up the good work!!!


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