hardboiled integrity

word.

2010-03-09T07:48:00.001-06:00

Desire and delight have this in common: Neither is the Object desired or delighted in. God is. I make this obvious point because all of us from time to time speak loosely and say that the aim of our pursuit is joy. Or we say that we want to be happy. Those are not false or evil statements. A Christian means: I aim to pursue joy in God so that the inﬁnitely valuable objective reality of the universe, God, will get all the glory possible from my life. “I want to be happy” may be Christian shorthand for “I want to know the One, and the only One, who is in himself all I have ever longed for in all my desires to be happy.”
—John Piper, When I Don't Desire God

Make My Day - 2010

2010-01-01T08:00:00.186-06:00

Make My Day - 2010 has moved to Nashville!
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Nehemiah 9

2009-09-12T11:50:00.004-05:00

An awesome picture of who God is.

Nehemiah 9
The Israelites have just spent time listening to Ezra read the Book of the Law of Moses and realized that they are way off the mark where God wants them to be. They have been sinning and dishonoring God like no other. So here they gather in sackcloth and put dust on their heads, confessing their sins and the wickedness of their fathers. They spent a quarter of the day reading the Book of the Law of the Lord their God, and then another quarter of the day in confession and worshiping God.

Here is what stands out in their praise to the Everlasting:

v. 5 Blessed be your glorious name
v. 6 You alone are LORD
v. 7 You are the LORD God
v. 8 You have kept your promise because you are righteous
v. 17 You are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love
v. 19 Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them
v. 25 They reveled in your great goodness
v. 27 In your great compassion you gave them deliverers
v. 28 In your compassion you delivered them time after time
v. 31 In your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, for you are a gracious and merciful God
v. 32 O our God, the great, mighty and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love

Blessed. Glorious. God alone. LORD God. YHWH. Righteous. Forgiving. Gracious. Compassionate. Slow to anger. Abounding in love. Delieverer. Merciful. Great. Mighty. Awesome.
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i want one in TN.

2009-09-02T20:25:00.003-05:00

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What I'm missing in Kansas

Marley was rescued from the animal shelter in Manhattan, KS on May 16, 2009.

bookworm.

2009-08-07T23:16:00.002-05:00

Just finished Jodi Picoult's new book, Handle With Care. I'd recommend it. There seem to be some similarities between this one and My Sister's Keeper, but it's still excellent. I'd also recommend Picoult's Nineteen Minutes.

Books I've Read (Since 2002)

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Between Two Worlds: Calvin on the Gospel

2009-07-26T05:27:00.002-05:00

Between Two Worlds: Calvin on the Gospel

Posted using ShareThis

on the agenda.

2009-07-17T19:27:00.003-05:00

Tonight:
Read & relax. Maybe watch The Office with Abe and Jessica when they get home.

Tomorrow:
Find a place downtown (park or coffee shop) to people watch. I need to do some writing and that's impossible to do in my room by myself.

Update resume and do a little interview prep.

Sunday:
Singles group + church.

Monday:
Work. Only six days left! Crazy.

I'm Looking Forward To:
1. Seeing Clarissa in a week
2. Visiting friends back in Kansas
3. All the craziness that will happen between now and the end of the year

things I like.

2009-06-22T20:05:00.000-05:00

--writing that makes me laugh out loud.

Like this, from LifeWay's May 2009 issue of Christian Single:

WORST FIRST DATES
1. A family event -- save for later
2. The mall -- uninspiring
3. A trendy, expensive restaurant -- pressure
4. The beach -- hello, self-consciousness
5. The movies -- can't talk

note: I feel fine about my body.
Two words for anyone wanting to take me to the beach: yes please! ;)

Why Do You?

2009-06-21T18:47:00.002-05:00

So, I was looking for a video of the beginning of the Oprah show. You've seen it--when Oprah walks on stage and everyone stands up and starts clapping and waving their hands in the air and screaming and trying to shake her hand. Yeah, it's a little ridiculous. I just can't get excited about someone like that. I noticed this when I went to a Goo Goo Dolls concert a couple summers ago. The Goo Goo Dolls are probably my favorite secular band. I know the words to most of their songs, and I like their sound. Our seats were only a few rows from the stage, but I wasn't jumping up and down and screaming and trying to touch Johnny Rzeznik.

It makes me wonder... why do these people get so excited about Oprah? Why do people get so wrapped up with celebrities? People were huge followers of the Beatles. Guess what? John Lennon is dead. You know who's not dead? Jesus.

But as for me, God forbid that I should glory in anything except the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ --Galatians 6:14

I hope that every thought of my Redeemer would get me as excited as Oprah's fans get about her. Oprah will die. Jesus is alive. I ran across a YouTube video from Oprah called "Why Do You Watch Oprah?" and it's these testimonies of people saying why they watch the show. What if I took those answers and explained why I read the Word daily? Why do I love Jesus?

(Answers alternate: Oprah answer, my answer.)

Every time a question comes into my head, she asks it.

Every time I have a question, the Bible has an answer.

Everyone has a friend named Oprah.

Everyone has a friend named Jesus. (John 15:13)

It's my exhale of my day.

Christ is my source of strength and peace. (Psalm 18:32)

It's like having a family member around the house.

God chose me to be a part of His family. (Ephesians 1:4)

There is so much information that you can take in and then give it back.

I can encourage my friends with Scripture. (Ephesians 4:29)

Good teachers inspire you.

My inspiration is in Christ alone. (Psalm 20:7)

As soon as I turn it on, I can't stop watching it.

Christ is the life that flows through my lines. (John 6:35)

She helps you see the good in you.

Christ shows me grace even though there is no good in me. (Romans 5:8)

I've learned it's okay not to be afraid.

If God is for me, who can be against me? (Romans 8:31)

She's funny.

God has a sense of humor. (Jeremiah 29:11; Have you ever tried telling God about your plans?)

She changes people on a daily basis.

I was dead in my trangressions, but Christ gives me life. (Ephesians 2:1-5)

She touches every generation, young and old.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. (Hebrews 13:8)

There's nothing I'd rather watch.

Magnify the Father; why bother with something lesser? (Galatians 6:14)

Oprah rocks.

God created rocks. (Genesis 1:9-10)

The Oprah Show is my "me time."

God desires to meet with me daily. (Psalm 34:18)

The Oprah Show is inspiration.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness. (2 Timothy 3:16)

The Oprah Show is for us.

Jesus is for everyone. (2 Corinthians 5:14-15)

But as for me, God forbid that I should glory in anything except the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ --Galatians 6:14

check it out.

2009-06-20T05:58:00.002-05:00

Check out Jason Waller's EP samples:
myspace.com/jasonwallermusic

don't waste your life.

2009-06-13T15:38:00.003-05:00

Don't Waste Your Life - John Piper
Download the full online book for free.

alyssa in kansas

2009-06-11T18:43:00.005-05:00

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I took a few days off at the end of the month, so I'm heading home.

If you want to hang out, let me know. Also, I'm still looking for someone to pick me up from the KC Airport (so if you can, I'd appreciate it!) I'll be in KC Tuesday and Wednesday; Columbia, MO on Thursday and Friday; and Burlington on Saturday and Sunday.

Tuesday, June 30
arrive at MCI -- 8:15am
Southwest Airlines

Sunday, July 5
depart MCI -- 7:10pm
Southwest Airlines

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In View of God's Mercy

2009-06-07T14:14:00.003-05:00

sermon notes from Long Hollow Baptist Church

Traction, pt. 4 - "The One Thing We Can't Live Without" (Love)

We love because He first loved us. What sets us apart? Love. They will know we are Christians by our love. God is more interested in the "why" than the "what." Live as an act of worship: our bodies as living sacrifices (Rom. 12:1).

Christian love is...

Genuine
- Romans 12:9a
- Love must be sincere
Discerning
- Romans 12:9b
- Hate what is evil; cling to what is good
- Love doesn't mean being okay with everything
- Love the sinner; hate the sin
- Love what God loves; hate what God hates
Demonstrated
- Romans 12:10-13
- love is a verb
- Be devoted to one another in brotherly love
- Honor one another above yourselves
- Never be lacking in spiritual fervor, serving the Lord
- Share with God's people who are in need
- Practice hospitality
Radical
- Romans 12:14-21
- Bless those who persecute you
- Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn
- Live in harmony with one another
- Do not be proud or conceited
- Be willing to associate with people of low position
- Overcome evil with good

God doesn't lose here. Even when a Christian is killed for his faith, God wins as the genuineness of the gospel is displayed. Evil is triumphed by good.

SPOILER ALERT: God always wins.

What's the "why"? What is my motivation behind what I do? In view of God's mercy. No casual Christianity. Jesus tells us to come and die and our lives should be radically different when we proclaim him as Lord.

Cheddar Garlic Biscuits

2009-06-06T07:43:00.003-05:00

similar to Red Lobster's biscuits, but I've had mine and theirs, and theirs are still better!

Cheesy Biscuits
2 c. Bisquick (Or Jiffy baking mix -- it's less expensive and is the same)

2/3 c. milk

1/2 c. sharp shredded cheddar cheese

1/4 c. butter, melted

1/4 tsp. garlic powder

Mix baking mix, milk, and cheese until a soft dough forms. (It's usually very sticky; you can add more baking mix if you want to roll it out or something.) Drop from a spoon onto an ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 450 degrees until slightly brown (9-10 min.). Mix together butter and garlic powder in a small bowl. Brush over biscuits and serve hot.

2009-06-03T21:36:00.002-05:00

,
Psalm 13:5-6 (The Message)

I've thrown myself headlong into your arms—

I'm celebrating your rescue.

I'm singing at the top of my lungs,

I'm so full of answered prayers.

s

summer in the city

2009-05-30T15:21:00.002-05:00

Coming June 1.

Follow my updates at Alyssa in Nashville.

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look at that face.

2009-05-22T15:37:00.002-05:00

I asked Marley if he liked his clean litter box since Mom just changed the litter. This is the look he gave me. I'm pretty sure he's saying, "Litter box? What litter box?"

change of plans

2009-05-22T11:21:00.002-05:00

And by "Nashville tomorrow," I mean "Nashville sometime next week."

I'm back home after an error in communication and will hopefully be moving to Nashville at least a couple of days before work starts on June 1st. At least I don't have packing hanging over my head now. I'm ready to go so I have a few days to relax.

Tomorrow: Erica graduates from SBU.

Tomorrow: Nashville

2009-05-21T14:36:00.004-05:00

I was in Nashville almost exactly a year ago (late May 2008) -- just driving through on our way to Jacksonville, FL. For updates exclusively concerning Nashville, check out Alyssa in Nashville. I've got my phone set up so I can blog on the road (not while driving, of course).

Lee, Jordan, Jared, and I on the Shelby St. Bridge over the Cumberland River near Music Row.

Marley movie

2009-05-20T21:06:00.002-05:00

A quick clip of Marley hanging out with me today.

Meet Marley.

2009-05-19T14:05:00.004-05:00

We named him Marley. He's pretty cute except that he can't remember where his litter box is.

rebate kitty

2009-05-16T20:05:00.001-05:00

The newest addition to la casa de mi mama. My sister and I picked up this little guy in Manhattan at the city animal shelter and adopted him. Adoption isn't free, but when you get him shots and neuter him, they give you $50 back. Since we haven't come up with a name yet, we're referring to him as "rebate kitty" (you know, like 'clearance puppy'). Look at that face! He doesn't care if he doesn't have a name. He's just happy to have a home. :]

class of 2009

2009-05-14T15:39:00.004-05:00

I'm finished! :0]

draw me a picture.

2009-05-13T08:36:00.004-05:00

My first experience with Adobe Illustrator (trial). Unfortunately it took up all my hard drive space (I only have 31GB) so I had to uninstall it.

"Jirafe"

#3. I am the problem.

2009-05-12T21:08:00.001-05:00

The four questions everyone asks:
1) Who am I?
2) Why am I here?
3) What is wrong with the world?
4) How can what is wrong be made right?

Postmodernist answer: People are either insufficiently educated or insufficiently governed. That's what's wrong with the world. People either don't know enough, or they are not being watched enough.

Christan Theist answer: I AM THE PROBLEM.

I am. Me, who is hostile in mind, doing evil deeds. Despite the fact that I am the crowning glory of the creation of God, created to live and bring glory and honor to the Lord Jesus Christ, I am instead hostile toward the One by whom and for whom I was created. That is what is wrong with the world. In short, sin is what's wrong with the world.

People are always asking the philosophical question, "If God's so powerful and good, how come bad stuff happens?" Don't answer that question until it is asked properly:

Look me in the eyes and ask me this: "How on earth can a holy and righteous God know what I did and thought and said yesterday and not kill me in my sleep last night?" Ask it that way, and we can talk. But until you ask it that way, you do not understand the issue. Until you ask the question that way, you believe the problem is out there somewhere. Until you ask the question that way, you believe that there are some individuals who, in and of themselves, deserve something other than the wrath of Almighty God. When you ask me the question that way--when you say, "Why is it that we are here today? Why has he not consumed and devoured each and every one of us? Why? Why, O God, does your judgment and your wrath tarry?"-- then you truly understand the issue.

The problem with the world is me. The problem is the fact that I do not acknowledge the supremacy of Christ in truth. The problem is that I start with myself as the measure of all things. I judge God based upon how well he carries out my agenda for the world, and I believe in the supremacy of me in truth. As a result, I want a God who is omnipotent but not sovereign. If I have a God who is omnipotent but not sovereign, I can wield his power. But if my God is both omnipotent and sovereign, I am at his mercy.

Who am I? I am the crowning glory of the creation of God, knit together in my mother's womb. Why am I here? I am here to bring glory and honor to the Lord Jesus Christ. What is wrong with the world? Me. I don't do what I was meant to do.

from Baucham Jr., Voddie. "Truth and the Supremacy of Christ in a Postmodern World." The Supremacy of Christ in a Postmodern World Eds. John Piper and Justin Taylor. Wheaton: Crossway Books, 2007: 63-64.

good news @ tonic.com

2009-05-12T16:35:00.005-05:00

.
The story was sad when CNN reported that the last Titanic survivor, a 97-year-old woman, was selling her Titanic mementos to pay her nursing home bills. It was even more sad when CNN later reported this woman's auction didn't raise enough. That's all we heard of that. Sad day.

But wait! There's more. Why didn't CNN cover the story that Titanic stars Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio as well as direction James Cameron each donated $10,000 to a fund to help pay this woman's nursing home bills?

Tonic.com covered it. In fact, tonic.com is a media company focused on the good that happens each day in neighborhoods all around the world. That's right. No complaining about all the bad news anymore. Tonic.com is good news only. (Even you follow them on Twitter this month or become their Facebook friend, they'll plant a tree for you! Two if you do both!)

That's "positively good." Kind of makes you feel like this:

.

the Office Musical

2009-05-12T08:46:00.003-05:00

About to walk to campus for my first final in American Survey II.
Now, the Office musical:

we ride in style.

2009-05-10T17:01:00.003-05:00

.
My brother just got home from NY. He took me for a ride on his motorcycle. I wasn't [very] scared.

Me pretending like I know anything about motorcycles.

This is how we do. Geoff and I ready to take off. Me wondering where to put my hands.

my favorite.

2009-05-06T13:17:00.001-05:00

.
.

wait, there's more.

2009-05-03T01:52:00.001-05:00

.
A supplement to my 27 April post, "Mission Accomplished."

Mars Hill Church - Unlimited Limited Atonement

notes on giving

2009-05-02T21:26:00.002-05:00

Matthew 6:1-4 -- [The World is Not a Stage | The Message]

"Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding. ^2-4"When you do something for someone else, don't call attention to yourself. You've seen them in action, I'm sure—'playactors' I call them— treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that's all they get. When you help someone out, don't think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out."

Jesus teaches us that the broadcast of our lives is to be between him and us. There are real repercussions for being generous for the sake of being generous. The result is nothingness. God is not impressed with letting your entire group of friends know how "good" you are because you bought an unemployed buddy a new suit to wear to job interviews. We might be patted on the back by our friends and neighbors, but what good is that? Jesus tells us to help people out quietly.

Make giving an act of worship -- so that when you help someone in need, it is to praise God for making both of you: for him who has needs, and for you who can meet them.

briefa utobio

2009-05-01T18:10:00.005-05:00

[to the twelve tribes scattered among the nations, greetings.]

I was born premature. April due date, February birth date.
Maybe that's why:

People think I'm younger than I am
I hate being late anywhere
I'm like a ninja

I grew up as one of three. #2. I didn't like being #2. Nobody likes being #2.
Unless you're a pencil.>

In high school, I didn't date and somehow managed to get over the "I want a boyfriend because my friends have boyfriends" thing my freshman year.

Still, I always had a knack for breaking hearts and breaking bones.
Okay, that's not true; it just sounded poetic. But the boys thought I had nice legs. Or so I heard.

College was sweet. I liked the people, but not so much the classes.
I fell madly in love.
With Jesus.
When I moved off campus and developed a grocery budget, I stopped eating meat.
I would give anything for a home-grilled hamburger right now. With cheese. And ketchup.

In two weeks I will take the inevitable plunge into the world of "Alyssa now pays her own bills."
I think I will financially qualify as being impoverished.

Nevertheless,
I am
stoked.

more later.

grace and peace.

Maybe -- The New Yes

2009-04-30T18:05:00.010-05:00

Oh, man. Multiples posts in one day. I hate doing it, but I start reading good books and get the urge to write and share cool things.

I love authors who literally make me laugh out loud when I'm reading. So, here's a funny one from Why We're Not Emergent by Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck:

It's 6:35 P.M. and I'm in a committee meeting. . . . We're all staring intently at a group of response cards that will be handed out at the end of [D.A. Carson's] talk. The cards include the usual stuff, like "Did you like the talk? Would you like a follow-up call? Check 'yes,' 'no,' or 'maybe.'" Somebody suggests that we remove "maybe." I suggest, since this is a talk on postmodernism, that we should remove everything except "maybe."

it is well with my soul.

2009-04-30T13:04:00.002-05:00

Today started out pretty well. After going to bed at 2am, I got up at 7:30 to finish up a couple of chapters of reading before my 9:30. Finished. Breakfast. Just before 9am, heading out the door, with my umbrella. As always, I have checked the weather.

Chance of rain today.
Hour-by-hour:
9am - 20% chance;
10am - 75% chance;
11am - 15% chance.

So, it's going to rain at 10am. I'll be in class.

Two and a half blocks... TWO and a HALF blocks from my house, the sprinkling turns into torrential downpour. Not even straight down, but slightly out of the north so that my jeans are now plastered to my legs, and though I am doing my best to avoid the huge puddles in the sidewalk, it doesn't matter because there are now huge puddles in my shoes. Seeing that my jeans are completely soaked and there is no way I can sit in class like this, I turn around and go back to the house.

About a block away, a guy in a red truck pulls up and ask if I need a ride anywhere. I tell him I'm real close. That was really nice of him. I could have used him about five minutes earlier while I was still dry, but the world needs more nice guys in red trucks.

So, I'm trying to protect the essentials like my cell phone and iPaq, keeping them close to my body and above the waist. After the guy with the truck leaves, I started running. I'm pretty sure I lost a bottle of water from my bookbag in the process, which I don't notice is starting to flop open with my awkward running-while-wearing-and-backpack-and-carrying-an-umbrella motions. I make it to the house and strip off my jeans, shoes, and socks. 9:10am. I'm doing okay on time; I'm definitely driving to campus. I have no clean pairs of jeans, so I throw on some Nike shorts (I realize later they are on backwards) and some adidas pants, dry tennis shoes, and grab my keys and get out the door.

(Though I moved off campus, I still have my parking pass. I rarely drive to campus, but in situations like this, a residence hall parking pass comes in very handy.)

So, I make it to class by 9:30. When I sit down, I begin removing everything from my backpack, which is drenched. The three essays I am turning in today have wrinkly, watery edges and while I can get over some damp notebooks and novels, I am disappointed that a brand new book I just bought has accrued water damage around the edges (not horribly so, but the cover is crinkly at the top and bottom). Wah-waah. Bummer.

Fortunately my Dickens professor realizes we're all fried/intellecutally comatose from finishing our final essays, and the discussion is brief. Unfortunately, since I spent late last night and this morning finishing my reading, we didn't even have a quiz. I want my points, dang it. But we do get out of class 30 minutes early. I go to the library where I have an early lunch and do a little reading in my brand new but now crinkly book on emergent churches. As I'm sorting through my backpack and preparing to head out to my 11:30, I find three Reisens in an inside pocket of my backpack. Cha-ching! Awesome. They're a little smooshed, but still very chocolately and delicious.

I also have an essay due in Intro. to Irish Poetry and Enviornmentalism. My teacher promised us a surprise today since we have finished our essays. The surprise is an Irish movie, scones, and tea. I just ate lunch, but some tea sounds lovely. Fortunately she's set the pot up near my desk. Easy access. After the first eager students get their food and drink, I get up and serve myself some tea. I'm turning to grab a scone, and I ____d___r____o____p___ my tea. :-(

Man down.

Ah, yes. Fresh black tea all over a green tile floor. Fortunately most of the class is distracted by our professor's trying to figure out technology, so I slip out the door to get paper towels from the bathroom. How embarrassing, nonetheless. It takes me two trips for a sufficient amount of paper towels and once I clean it up, I slide back into my seat. No tea for me. . .

You know, getting completely soaked and then dropping a cup of tea that I was really looking forward to drinking seem pretty minor, but on a normal day I might have found myself ready to cry out of frustration. Not today. I am two days of class (Tuesday/Thursday next week) away from being free from the world of academia. My huge essays are all finished, and aside from finals and about 200 pages of Dickens' Our Mutual Friend, the rest of this trip is downhill. I don't anticipate stressing about finals at all. I'll make some tea at home, and my clothes are on the clothesline drying in the afternoon sun. No way. I'm keeping my joy today.

Thursday afternoon, b r i n g. i t.

I kept the start menu.

2009-04-30T00:01:00.000-05:00

___

Welcome to my desktop. Looks fresh, doesn't it?

So, knowing LifeWay uses Macs for editing, I have started a subtle transition by downloading the OS X-style dock onto my desktop, hiding all my icons and my start bar. (Though my start bar is still there, easily accessed, just hidden!) It's kind of fun dipping my toes in it. You know, in case I ever decide to join the dark side. I've always been a loyal PCer. I'll stick with a hybrid version for now. It's wild and safe.

Old School Poetry

2009-04-29T00:01:00.001-05:00

Because in high school, I didn't have a blog. You guys missed out on some great* poems.

[Freshman Year]

______Sailboat

_____Leaving
at__dawn
for___the sea,
Nothing_there: just
my sail-___boat and me.
Sailboat____carry me away
miles and_miles for the
day. Water__laps against the
side, gently___flowing with the
tide. Big white_blankets stretch
to sky, rocking_with a lullaby.

Peaceful sailor, guide the
boat, soak up sun:
forever float.

-Alyssa Reeves, 11/14/02

[Freshman maturity at its best -- an untitled cinquain]

I once had a teacher who stank
I think she bathed in a fish tank
Her pit stains were green
She sure wasn’t keen
I spoke up and said, “You are rank!”

-Alyssa Reeves, 11/19/02

[Junior year English prompt]

Saturday Night Chaos

Standing behind the counter
Another night at work
A family enters to see Shrek 2
Their son looks like a jerk
I watch him from my snack bar seat
He slyly sneaks away
Into the black he disappears
This isn’t worth my pay
I watch him from the hallway’s end
He doesn’t know I’m there
Who knows what trouble he will find
His parents obviously don’t care
Sooner than I can turn around
I hear a real loud laugh
The little madman had the reel
I called out to the staff
It took four guys to hold him down
The monster munched each scene
We dragged him to his parents
He thought that we were mean
I’ll quit this job, I swear I will
If I ever see another
I’m so embarrassed, think I’ll cry
That terror was my brother

_______________________

*great - a subjective adjective

tricks of the trade.

2009-04-28T18:51:00.004-05:00

Thursday I have three huge papers due. One is done, one is almost done, and one I just started but the momentum is going. I also have 90 pages to read by Thursday (or about 4.5 hours of audiobook if I listen to it). (So why am I blogging instead of doing homework?)

On the up side, my semester is all down hill after Thursday. I just have to show up to my last *three* days of classes and take my finals.

So, fun trick. I actually learned this from my U.S. Geography professor last year. So on my Irish poetry paper, it's supposed to be 7-8 pages. I'm about four lines short of 7 and I've analyzed two poems into the ground. Four more lines would be repeating myself.

So, I employ, the "over-sized period" trick.

Ctrl + F. > Find & Replace. > Replace all 12-pt. periods with 14-pt. periods.

Suddenly, my paper is nearly eight lines longer because the 144 periods in my paper are slightly larger in font.

Brilliant.

Fun note: my mom's newspaper made it into Jay Leno's Headlines segment last night. Go to NBC.com and you can watch it; it shows up around 18:24.

Hokay, back to writing. There will be a party when I finish this semester out. Oh yeah, it's called graduation. And my mom is buying me an ice cream cake.

Mission Accomplished.

2009-04-27T18:28:00.006-05:00

From Shai Linne's album, the Atonement

Mission Accomplished - Shai Linne

I remember sitting in American Survey I a year and a half ago and reading some works by the Puritans. I wasn't sure what to think about this idea of predestination. I hadn't ever thought about universal atonement or election or what it all meant. Shai Linne's song "Mission Accomplished" made it clear to me. Most people have taken a clear stance when it comes to this Calvinistic belief. Take a listen to the song above (you may need to create a free imeem.com

account; it's an awesome site and worth your time)For those of you who have a hard time understanding hip-hop lyrics, you can view them here, or continue down and I'll paraphrase them a little and extend them into an essay-like form:

Mission Accomplished
(a paraphrased essay from Shai Linne's lyrics)

This subject is controversial. Christians have been split over it for years. Now, by the grace of God, I [Shai Linne] will humbly address the issue of predestination.

Here is the question: who did Christ die for? Did He die for everyone in the world? Was His intent to make the entire world His Bride? If people refuse to believe in Jesus, was his work in vain? If you look at the Bible, each of these claims must be false.

This is true: Jesus gave up his life for His Bride. But who is His Bride? His Bride is the elect: those to whom his death is applied. If you can't hide on Judgment Day, God's wrath abides on you because of your sin, and you find yourself spending eternity in hell, it's because your wrath from God hasn't been satisfied. But we believe that Jesus' mission of salvation was accomplished when He died. How does the cross relate to those in hell? Well, they're saying, "God knows He tried."

The Father, Son, and Spirit are three, and yet one. They work as a unit to get things done. Our salvation was being planned out in eternity past. God certainly has to bring all His purpose to pass. There is a triune, eternal bond that no one can ever sever. When it comes to the church, they work together: The Father foreknew first, the Son came to Earth to die, the Holy Spirit gives the new birth. The Father selects them, the Son pays their debt and protects them, the Spirit is the one who resurrects them. The Father chooses them, the Son gets bruised for them, the Spirit renews them and produces fruit in them.

Everybody's not elect. God decides who is elect. The Holy Spirit only resides in the elect. The Father and the Spirit are completely unified in this way. When it comes to Christ and those in hell? Well, they're saying, "God knows He tried."

This is the third (and final verse). Here's the situation (just a couple more things for you to consider): If Christ's goal for coming to earth was to save everyone, since there are so many in hell, we'd have to say He failed miserably. So many people think that Christ died only to make salvation possible. Let's follow this solution to a conclusion that's logical. What about those who were already in the grave? (The Old Testament wicked, condemned, and depraved?) Did He die for them? Be careful, now.

But worst of all, you're saying that the cross by itself doesn't save, that we must do something to give the cross its power. That means, at the end of the day, the glory's ours. That man-centered thinking is not recommended. The cross will save all for whom it was intended. Because for the elect, God's wrath is satisfied. But still, when it comes to those in hell, they are saying, "God knows He tried."

I like Lincoln.

2009-04-26T12:40:00.001-05:00

Okay, so maybe having a birthday on February 12 makes me a bit partial toward our 16th president. This weekend I visited Lincoln, NE for the first time. Not only was it just named the healthiest city in the U.S. (2008), it is home to a little more than a 125,000 people -- more than 5x bigger than Manhattan, Kansas.

Lincoln. Nebraska. 2.25-hour drive. Clarissa. Haven't seen your face since October. Six months. Too long. Notebook sculpture. UNL. Lincoln Berean Church. O Street. Starr Street. Redbox. Thunderstorms. Mexican food. Enchiladas. Amigos. Right Lane Must Turn Right. Gerber daisies. Target. Chocolate chip cookies. 89-cent eggs, one dozen. Butter. Skim milk with a 6 April expiration date. Angie. Naps. Birds in residence outside the window. Pink sheets and a brown comforter. Waking up and not knowing where I am. Map tacked to the ceiling. Love. Movie. Watch it twice because we fell asleep the first time. Pancakes, whole wheat. Sugar-free syrup. Yes, they're good like Jenn's. Hip-hop in the AM. Cloverton. Big church. Sermon: Facing Depression. Tour of the town. Tulips in the front yard. Tall grass. No lawnmower. Loving people well. Braeda Fresh Express Cafe. Tornado watch. Gift registries. What else? What'd you learn? You want to unpack that for me? Love of my life. Frequent text messaging. State capital. Scripture pictures. Empty mailbox. NY & Co. I hate shopping. Jk. A memory like Dory. "Hi, I'm Dory." Makes me smile. I'll be Nemo. An introvert with extroverted tendencies. Go to the top of the capitol to see the world. Get stuck in a back elevator. That's my story. See you in three months.

2009-04-25T01:33:00.011-05:00

They Only Come Out at Night (TOCOAN), print:relief's literary rockshow-fundraising event, was a huge success. As always, I forgot I owned a camera until the last part of the night and even them kept forgetting to use it. So, here are a few shots from the night, all from the freestyle category. My piece, "A Written Guide for Social Conduct Concerning Emotions" won 3rd place in the prose category. (My first chance to ever read something in front of 50+ people. I was shaking like a leaf.) I got $10, which I subsequently spent on the fundraiser's baked goods and a Cloverton CD. :)

More pictures at http://www.flickr.com/photos/24703734@N02/

FRIDAY: TOCOAN

2009-04-23T15:59:00.004-05:00

So, thanks to my stat. counter, I am well-aware that I have a very low readership in Manhattan. But, if you happen to be in town Friday night and are looking for something awesome to do, look no further. Here it is.

They Only Come Out At Night is a literary rock show for writers.
(Battle of the bands: writer's edition)

This event is sponsored by The Dusty Bookshelf and theWELL and put on by inkWELL, a creative writing satellite group from theWELL.

This event is working as a fundraiser for a group of people [print:relief] going to South Africa this summer to set up a T-shirt printing business to create jobs for the people of a slum in Cape Town.

Merchandise available at the event:
-book put together by members from the creative writing group
-T-shirts printed on site of various designs straight from the genius minds of the team.
-CLOVERTON cd's
-Bake sale food
-other items TBD

There will be a $2 admission fee

If you want to share your work, please do!
...but you must audition first...

For those wanting to audition:
Wednesday and Thursday the 22nd and 23rd @ 7:00-10:00pm
Union room 212
3 Categories: Prose, Poetry, FrEeStYLE

$5 one-time audition fee (AKA you can audition for one or all three or any combination of two categories and you only have to pay $5 once)

Why should you audition?...There are CASH PRIZES for EACH category!!

1st prize - $30
2nd prize - $20
3rd prize - $10

love, cities, & alleged crimes

2009-04-22T20:21:00.005-05:00

I have fallen in love with sitting on our front porch. Not the "I'm-gonna-marry-it" type of love. It's just this perfect place to read or watch the cars drive by. It's incredible how many mechanical errors you can diagnose in passing cars with little to no automotive experience. I can recognize when that "clunk-clunkity-clunk" doesn't sound right or there's something dragging under your car. The most common is the brakes, though. Sometimes it's amusing to see cars slow to make a left turn, and traffic is heavy enough that they stop and cars back up behind them, some so impatient that they dart into the right lane to get by. Or when two cars are both trying to turn left, coming from opposite directions, trying to see past the other turning car to tell if there's any oncoming traffic. Of course all the cars are moving to the right lanes, so traffic flow there is twice as heavy, making a turn almost impossible. Some people are eating, some are talking on their phones, some just staring straight ahead. You get the occaisonal nose-picker, usually a male. If it's between 2-4pm, you get the carfull of girls making a 1/2-price Sonic drink run.

The house is far enough back from the street that it feels safe. There's plenty of grass and even a fence that partially blocks the view of the road heading east. People passing don't notice me unless they're concentrating on the houses. Most aren't.

I try to anticipate sidewalk-ers. Occasionally they're on bikes. I never did believe in love at first sight, but I guess I kind of imagined the front-porch encounter to be slightly romantic... guy passes on bike. Guy just turns his head in time to see me. Guy slows down, perhaps guy forgets he's biking and subsequently crashes, resulting in me leaving my spot on the front porch to make sure he's okay. He's bleeding. I go inside to get him a band-aid. I only have small ones. We work something out with paper towels and tape. He offers to take me to dinner as a way of returning the favor.

Okay, okay, so I'm not a porch-sitter because I'm looking for love. It's just that it's spring, and a guy just rode by on his bike, and I thought it might be nice. I'm out here with my laptop plugged into the side of the house. It's been cold enough lately that there aren't a bunch of mosquitoes out yet. I want desperately to go camping. I should be working on my essays (8-10 pages, all three due April 30). But I'm not. I'm sitting on the porch.

I sat out here for an hour before lunch, so my left arm and leg are blushing. The days pass too quickly. (Today, I kept finding grammar errors in my writings. It makes me feel like a hypocrite. I didn't make mistakes on purpose.) There's live music at Radina's, but I feel too restless to sit in a coffee shop. I can hardly believe I'll be in Nashville one month from today. I wonder if I'll have a front porch there I can sit on. I'm not into country music, but I did just get an alto sax. There's a blues place in Nashville. It's been seven years since I've played, but I remember most of the fingerings. I should be getting new reeds in the mail soon. Maybe I can get lessons in Nashville, not that I'll have money to spend on lessons. I mean I'll get lessons if I decide they are worth more than eating.

Tim just mowed the yard today. I love freshly-mowed grass. It makes everything feel straight and clean. It made me feel domestic. I made cheesy biscuits tonight. I braided them into the shape of a wreath. In other words, I braided them into a circle.

This morning there was a squirrel in our backyard trotting across the strawberries. I was headed out the back door and he jumped up the fence. He had something large and red in his mouth. I thought it was a strawberry, but they're all still in their white-flower stage. I crept closer and it was an apple from our compost pile. Sick. I went to the store and was going to buy some squirrel and/or bird food, but all the bags were like $10. I did buy a seed-bell that I ended up breaking up and scattering in the grass. I hope the birds find it. Sorry, squirrel, I can't believe you'll eat compost, but whatev. Weirdo.

I saw a black man almost get hit by a car crossing the street. He walked down the block, then he crossed back. He stopped at the end of our sidewalk. "That's a laptop?" I freeze, remembering all the lights in our house are off and it's probably obvious I'm alone. "What? Yeah." Seriously? No, it's a desktop. Huh? He says, "That's a nice laptop. What's yo' name?" Then he leaves. Uh, maybe it's time to go inside. And pretend like other people are home. Or invite someone over. Oh, good, Tim just got home. I'd be too scared to live in a big city alone. I better fall in love first.

estoy aquí.

2009-04-21T22:15:00.008-05:00

Why you haven't seen/read/heard from me much lately:

Do not be deceived by the deceptive thinness of Our Mutual Friend in this picture. This book is a whopping 800 pages, and I have one month to read it. I'm currently halfway done, though! Just plugging right along.

Upcoming events!

24- They Only Come Out at Night event @ The Dusty Bookshelf: A Literary Rockshow for Writers

25- Yours truly travels to Lincoln, NE to visit a dear friend

9- visit KC?

16- K-State Graduation

21-ish- moving to Nashville

A Little Hip-Hop for Easter

2009-04-12T14:57:00.003-05:00

Jesus Is Alive (House of Tea Remix) - Shai Linne

Article of the Day

2009-04-10T18:29:00.004-05:00

A sampling of Michael Spencer's "When I Am Weak: Why we must embrace our brokenness and never be good Christians." Click to read the whole thing. (It's long, but worth it.)

Evangelicals love a testimony of how screwed up I USED to be. They aren't interested in how screwed up I am NOW. But the fact is, that we are screwed up. Then. Now. ... What a crock. Please. Call this off. It's making me sick. I mean that. It's affecting me. I'm seeing, in my life and the lives of others, a commitment to lying about our condition that is absolutely pathological.
...
You people with your Bibles. Look something up for me? Isn't almost everyone in that book screwed up? I mean, don't the screwed up people- like Abraham, Jacob, Moses, David, Hosea- outnumber the "good Christians" by about ten to one?
...
What does this mean?
It means your depression isn't fixed. It means you are still overweight. It means you still want to look at porn. It means you are still frightened of dying, reluctant to tell the truth and purposely evasive when it comes to responsibility.

green means go. | pt. 3

2009-04-08T21:22:00.001-05:00

I think I am dying. I want to go to heaven with my best friend. My mother is on the phone in the kitchen. When she brought me in, she put me on the couch. Then the phone rang. My heart is stomping around in me like it's trying to run away. I want to run away. My hand rises and falls on my chest. I'm not even crying. I feel like such a bad friend for not even crying. My mother hangs up and sits on the couch, sliding under me so my head is in her lap. She strokes my hair and speaks softly, but I don't hear a single word. My eyes are fixed on the wood paneling on the opposite wall. Near the baseboard, my name is written in blue crayon. My best friend's is in red. You can't see it well because the chair halfway hides it. My mother never found out. I remember the day we wrote on the wall, like a pact that we would be best friends forever. When her mom called and said one of our classmates was waiting at her house, she left me. Just like that. I told her that day that I hated her. Our names blur and my heart hurts. Now my tears are sliding down my hot, quiet cheeks.

green means go. | pt. 5

2009-04-07T19:21:00.005-05:00

I feel like I've been walking for hours, though I'm not really sure because I didn't bring my watch. As soon as I got to the park, I stuck myself in the middle of the slide where no one could see me, my tennis shoes pressed tightly against the plastic to keep me from moving. It started to get scary, and my fingers were cold. So I slid down and kept walking. My feet hurt.

There's a bank sign that flashes "61°F" then "12:24." I have a long time before morning and I am getting sleepy. I should have thought this out better.

There's a gas station on the next block, and I go inside. The fluorescent lights are buzzing on the ceiling and I eye the teenager sitting behind the counter. He's watching TV and I don't think he notices me. His name tag says STEVE.

It's hard to decide what to buy. I'm a little hungry, but I don't want to spend all my money tonight. Who knows how long I'll be traveling. There's a box of Cracker Jacks and a bag of Skittles. I love them both, but I have to choose. I find a penny in my coat pocket. Heads is Cracker Jacks, tails is Skittles. I flip it but don't catch it. It hits the tile and rolls under the shelf. Out of reach. I duck after it and then slowly glance at STEVE, but his eyes are fixed on the screen. I slide the Skittles swiftly into my coat pocket and carry the Cracker Jacks to the counter.

I have to cough to get his attention. He looks at me strangely. I slide my crumpled $5 toward him and add, "My mom's waiting in the car." STEVE punches some buttons on the cash register and gives me my change. It gets crammed back into my jeans, and I push out the door.

It's 12:45. I feel a little guilty. The lump in my throat is rising. Because now, I'm not only a runaway; I'm also a thief.

What's the Emerging Church?

2009-04-06T20:10:00.003-05:00

Mark Driscoll on the Emerging Church.

Watch the video.

alyssa in nashville

2009-04-05T16:37:00.003-05:00

Coming soon:

Alyssa in Nashville

Notes on Alyssa's first journey into the adulthood, the "real world," and the land of paying her own bills.

love story.

2009-04-04T13:23:00.002-05:00

What has God taught me in college?

Where do I even begin?

I've learned that Christianity is not about becoming a better person. It's not this 12-step program to becoming the kind of person you wanted to be when you were six. It's not about finding harmony with your inner soul to experience this consistent level of happiness and universal peace. If you're going for that kind of thing, follow Oprah.

There's this point when I had to come to terms with my utter depravity. I had to stop thinking I knew everything. I had to trust this fact: "God: Creator. Me: Creation." I had to peel my eyes off of myself long enough to see the magnitude of the cross and the weight of His glory. I think some people have a hard time connecting to this Jesus who was crucified for our sins because it didn't happen yesterday. It's easier to blame the first-century civilization for his crucifixion. But every time I sin, every time I think that I know better than God does, every time I don't believe God is who he says he is, it's like I'm there in the crowd yelling, "Crucify him!" It's like I'm declaring that I don't think Christ is good enough for me.

Christ is good enough for me. Christ is more than good enough for me. He's everything I need. And the more I get to know him, the more experiences I have with him, the more beautiful the cross is. Every day he becomes more real to me, more intimate. Every day, I am falling in love.

I have a friend who recently got engaged. She is very in love. My friend told me that there was this point in this relationship -- quite possibly the point she realized she was in love -- when her thoughts shifted, so that every decision she made carried the question, "How will this benefit or effect him?"

I am falling in love with the One who knit me in my mother's womb, who knew what my first word would be and what my last word will be. I'm in love with this God who created the universe: every star, every grasshopper, every person, every flower.

(Do you know that the Bible uses 'unfailing love' 32 times and not once does it refer to someone or something other than God?)

God has taught me that Christianity isn't about becoming a better person. I was created to glorify God. What does that look like? It looks like being like Jesus. It looks like loving people and expecting nothing in return, meeting needs, hating sin and fighting lies. It looks like making every decision with "how is this glorifying to God?" at the center. When you're in love, it comes easier, I think. Paul knew this love. And as a result, Paul had a God-like jealousy, a jealousy that meant he wanted everyone else to know this love, too.

This is a love story. A story that unfolds when we genuinely believe that God is who He says He is, when we believe He loves us as much as He says He does - without condition, when we love Him back and live differently as a result.

This is my love story, and it's only the beginning.

Hills - Moya Cannon

2009-04-02T12:53:00.002-05:00

I got called on to read during my Intro. to Irish Poetry and Environmentalism class. We're studying Moya Cannon this week. She's a pro, so of course all her stuff is pretty good, but I really liked this one called "Hills."

Hills
My wild hills come stalking.
Did I perhaps after all, in spite of all
try to cast them off,
my dark blue hills,
that were half the world's perimeter?
Have I stooped so low as to lyricise about heather,a
adjusting my love
to fit elegantly
within the terms of disinterested discourse?

Who do I think I'm fooling?
I know these hills better than that.
I know them blue, like delicate shoulders.
I know the red grass that grows in high boglands
and the passionate brightnesses and darknesses
of high bog lakes.
And I know too how,
in the murk of winter,
these wet hills will come howling through my blood
like wolves.

Moses drops it like it's hot

2009-03-30T12:15:00.003-05:00

From History of the World:

Haha. I've been reading the Old Testament, and while God did only give Moses 10 commandments (Exodus 34:28), Moses did have a little mishap...

Moses leaves the people in the desert to go up on Mount Sinai where God gives him two tablets of stone inscribed by the finger of God (Exodus 31:18; 32:15-16). Moses comes back down to the people and because he had been gone so long, the Israelites told Aaron they wanted to be gods and they made a golden calf and started worshiping it. Of course Moses is a little upset when he comes back and sees such disobedience to the Lord.

Moses throws the tablets out of his hands and broke them into pieces at the foot of the mountain (Exodus 32:19). Then he has to straighten out the people. A couple of chapters later, the Lord tells Moses to make some more tablets so He can write on them "the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke." (Exodus 34:1)

word pair rhymes and adorability

2009-03-26T21:38:00.002-05:00

looming ink, fuming blood,
blooming flowers, dooming flood
minding child, finding hope,
blinding sunlight, winding road

I want one.

Another Reason Why Gmail Rocks

2009-03-25T09:20:00.003-05:00

Gmail's New 5-Second Rule (click)

Now if only shopping websites had a "Never mind, I really shouldn't have bought that because I probably can't afford it" button. Maybe someone should create a desktop application -- a fairy godmother of sorts -- to act as a conscience on your computer:

"Save your file! You wouldn't want to lose it if your computer crashed!"

"Don't buy that! Save the money. Don' t you want your kid to go to college?"

"Hey buddy, language.. language! Keep it clean."

"Solitaire, again? That's it. One more game, but then you must finish your essay."

Cracker? Give him an award!

2009-03-24T19:09:00.002-05:00

Because sometimes reading that a choking baby was saved by a parrot makes you feel a little warmer inside.

23 hours. 1,375 miles. $94 of fuel.

2009-03-20T20:50:00.004-05:00

Today I left Nashville at 6:45 am and made it to St. Louis (~300 miles) around 11:15. I was ahead of schedule, so I decided to stop and see the Gateway Arch. Parking was hard to find, but I found a meter and walked. Then I asked a guy to take my picture. :)

Stopped in Columbia, MO to watch the Cornell v. Mizzou game with my sister. Unfortunately Cornell lost, but they still have next year. Then I jumped in my car to continue home.

Made it home around 7:45 (13 hours after leaving Nashville). 675 miles today ... lots of music and not so much homework (I just couldn't bring myself to listen to much Charles Dickens audio book!). By the time I get back to Manhattan, my travel total for the week will be 1,586 miles (28 hours). All I have to say is I-70 across Missouri is boring.

Chillin' in the 'ville

2009-03-18T19:08:00.007-05:00

Nashville (round-)trip
1300+ miles. 22.5 hours

Currently in: Goodlettsville, TN (just north of Nashville)

For about 150 miles, starting around Charleston, MO, I didn't see one living tree -- a result of recent ice storms. Really crazy-looking. But the storms were devastating.

The coolest part of today's trip: crossing the place near Cairo, IL where the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers meet. Not only were the bridges enormous, but I read Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn this semester and this place where the rivers meet was the exact place Huck and Jim were aiming for -- so they could turn and go up the Ohio. It was cool to actually see the place Mark Twain wrote about. ... I'm such an English major...

Perks: listening to Shai Linne album Atonement while driving, listening to Redeemer Fellowship sermon, getting 30 mpg.

Nashville is sweet -- lots of traffic. My Garmin is amazing -- without it, I'd be lost. Literally. If I wasn't here by myself, I would have spent some time this evening walking around downtown, but I don't think it'd be too safe alone. I drove downtown to do a drive-by of LifeWay. Downtown is really awesome -- huge buildings and stadiums and rivers, also the state capitol building.

I was really surprised to find that Nashville is still in the central time zone. My hotel (in Goodlettsville) is pretty nice. My room is huge: two beds, TV, microwave, mini-fridge, couch, partially divided, free Wi-Fi... there's a sweet pool down the hall and a workout room. And because I ate a lot of chocolate covered raisins during my drive, I'll be hitting those up tomorrow afternoon. :)

Well, that's all for now. I'm pretty worn out from driving all day. Here's a map of my trip.

Style Your Sole.

2009-03-14T22:22:00.012-05:00

If you've read my "Things I Like" post, you know I like TOMS shoes. I received my first pair for Christmas -- plain white. And over the past three months, my white shoes inevitably got dirty. So I spot-treated them once and they looked great. Today, it was time for another spot treating. I squirted some Oxi Clean on them, rubbed it in, dabbed them with a wet rag, and let them dry. Now... my white shoes are covered in yellow spots. Bleach treatment has proved ineffective, so I am now going to restyle my soles. I've sketched up some blank patterns. The final product may involve paint and new fabric (a reupholstering project of sorts). Pictures will be posted upon completion.

For now, enjoy my blank patterns. Design your own. Buy some TOMS. Style Your Sole.
Larger pictures can be found HERE. Printable blanks here: .docx file

Back

Left Top

Left Inside

Left Outside

Right Top

Right Inside

Right Outside

bleeding into sovereign silence

2009-03-13T21:50:00.002-05:00

bleeding into sovereign silence
the surrender of sound, of color, of vivid truth
when I'm bleeding into sovereign silence
silence that sacrifices
silence that brings peace
like a river.
raging peace.
I surrender to the overwhelming love
without a sound. It is well
with my soul. On my face
a raw desire to press myself
beyond the ground
where I transcend the fade
and bleed into the sovereign silence.

electric cars, electric trains, robots with electric brains

2009-03-11T09:19:00.005-05:00

March 3, 2009 headline:
Unemployment Worries Grip Japanese Economy

I know things always seem a bit clearer when you're on the outside looking in, but maybe unemployment wouldn't be such an issue if you stopped replacing your people with machines.

I think one of my favorite things about my elementary school teachers was their compassion, their ideas, their humanness. I'm predicting these kids will grow up with some major authoritarian relationship issues...

green means go. | pt. 4

2009-03-10T18:28:00.005-05:00

I'm laying flat on my back. The red digits on my alarm clock say 10:18. I can hardly believe I'm still awake. My eyes have adjusted to the fog of light that reaches through the curtains. My room emerges gray from a deep black. My hands are clammy and I press one gently against the wall, tracing the rough textured wallpaper, letting it absorb my heat. The lump on my floor rolls on her side. My second-best friend is sleeping over. My mom thought it would make things easier. She hasn't talked much. Neither have I. I suppose now she's my first-best friend.

"Lucie?" I whisper; my breath is still sleeping in my lungs and I can barely hear this word myself. I swallow and at the slightest movement, I exhale, "Are you awake?' I hear her breathing heavily and I sigh. My mind feels as though it is going to explode. Maybe I'm going crazy. I'm too young to go crazy.
The clock advances to 10:29 when I finally push my blanket off of me. I can't think. I just need to get out of here. My closet door groans when I pull it open to retrieve my tennis shoes and a jacket. I leave it open, nervous closing it will wake Lucie. I tiptoe around her to pull a small wooden church from my desk. There's five dollars of offering in it. The steeple slides off and I work out the bill with my fingers. It crinkles like a brown leaf when I push it into my pocket. I turn to leave. Lucie doesn't move on the floor.

In the hallway, I can hear my parents' TV exploding with late-night comedy and canned laughter. Their bedroom door is shut and I shuffle past. In the kitchen, the light is on above the sink. I feel like it's watching me open the back door and slide out, holding the knob to the left as I press the door closed behind me. Without a sound. Back into darkness. My eyes struggle to adjust until I round the corner of the house where the streetlight exposes a vacant street.

Suddenly I'm standing frozen at the end of the driveway. My heart is pounding and I close my eyes. The night is spinning and I'm on my knees. I have to stand myself up and keep going. It's been a week, and everyone else has returned to default, as though nothing has changed. But things have changed. And I can't be here anymore. Not now. So I walk. I don't know where I"m going, and my throat gets a lump and I begin to feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks. The streetlight splits into a rainbow of colors, and I walk away.

inkWELL's inkWALL

2009-03-10T11:00:00.001-05:00

inkWELL. Saturday mornings at Radina's. Just a bunch of 20-somethings (and Rob) :) who meet up in the a.m. to workshop some writing. We have an official blog, so go check out some of our writings.

The inkWALL.

these words are not enough

2009-03-09T22:10:00.004-05:00

For bigger size, click HERE.
an original Paint production by yours truly, alyssareeves

stuff I like.

2009-03-07T10:04:00.009-06:00

1. TOMS shoes. For every pair you buy, TOMS gives a pair to a child in need. One for one. Plus, they're so comfortable and include some really rockin' styles. (Sweet deal: for $5 off your order, use promocode: CAMPUSKSU.) (Even sweeter deal: 15% off your order with promocode TOMSshoes09).

2. Chocolate animal crackers. Tastes like Oreos, maybe even better. Very inexpensive and healthier than (or at least not as bad for you as) Oreos. Makes a great snack.

3. Cornell basketball. Smart and Athletic. Ivy League champs two years in a row. 21 consecutive home wins. Another trip to the NCAA Tournament. And my brother plays. :)

4. Recycling. The UK has a really nice recycling campaign. Who knew you can recycle CDs? Reusing Ziploc bags, starting a compost pile, and duplex-printing your homework is easier on the earth. Many cities have recycling programs. Plus, you just feel really good doing it.

5. Zinch.com March Madness. Annelise Masters has once again made her place in Zinch.com's scholarship tournament. It's set up March Madness bracket-style. Students move on based on number of votes. In the end, it's a head-to-head showdown for a $20,000 scholarship. Annelise definitely deserves it, so go vote for her! (You'll need to login, but it's quick and easy.) Look for her under the North 3 region. This round of voting ends March 11. Then you can go back and vote more next round.

6. Flickr.com. My source of inspiration when my creative writing well dries up.

7. Gerber daisies. I've received them twice in my life, both times in the last eight months. My favorite flower. When my last ones died, I went to Hobby Lobby and got fake ones to replace them. (Thank you to Clarissa and Jessi!)

8. Radina's Coffee House. A great place to hang out or study. Even though there have been some changes and unchanged aspects I do not favor (new punch card policies and lack of sufficient quantity of outlets, mostly), I am a loyal customer. Though, since I don't like coffee, find myself looking for excitement between hot chocolates, hot teas, cold teas, and Italian sodas. (And chai lattes would be on that list if they weren't so expensive. Or if I wasn't so tight with my money.) Oh, and they have live music on Wednesday nights at 8pm. Wonderful.

9. Imeem.com. Because you feel guilty about pirating music, but don't want to pay 99 cents for a song you're not sure you even like. Basically it's better than Pandora because you can listen to any song you want instantly, create playlists, share playlists, and listen to music anytime you're connected to the Internet. Oh, and it's all free. And like Pandora, it will even suggest similar songs.

10. Jacksonville, FL. I spent last summer here and loved it. It's a big, but not overwhelming, city with lots to do and, of course, beaches. Great location to view incredible sunrises.

green means go. | pt. 2

2009-03-06T19:08:00.003-06:00

I am sitting in the driveway with a bucket of chalk and jeans streaked with it, yellow and blue to match my hands as I attempt to outline my skinny legs and naked feet. I have been abandoned by my best friend who is now racing her bike up and down the street, making regal noises, "da da-da da, da la!", and waving at the mailboxes as though she is the queen. She thinks she's hot stuff since she got a purple Schwinn for her birthday: glittered frame and a banana seat. Who wants a dumb bike anyway? We're not even allowed to leave the block. I'm trying to keep my right arm flat against the concrete long enough to outline my fingers. It's hard, and my pinky turns out too long and too fat. The summer sun is pressing the sweat out of my hands while I twist on my back to pull the chalk up the length of my arm. I relax my head back and start at my neck, the cool piece skimming my skin. I hear the car first. End of the block. Screeching tires, quick horn. Metal on metal. Crunching. Stand up quick. Chalk falls. Shatters. End of the driveway. Black car. Purple Schwinn. Blood. People running to the intersection. Police. Ambulance. I cannot leave my place in the driveway until my mother has rushed past me and returned, picking me up by the armpits and holding me tight against her chest. My heavy legs swing against her thighs. My head lays on her shoulder and she carries me inside. My best friend is dead. Red means stop. Green means go.

green means go. | pt. 1

2009-03-04T06:43:00.006-06:00

April 17, 1968. The kitchen light laid its square beam on the hallway carpet, exposing a mess of pebbles, cheerios, and dog hair. I was supposed to vacuum yesterday. I guess I forgot. I stand in the dark next to the doorway, my hair plastered to my forehead and cheeks from a nightmare-induced sweat. The wallpaper absorbs the heat. My mother is sitting at the dining room table sorting through the newspaper. She always skips the police reports and obituaries. "Too much problems in the world as it is. Don't need to read about it." I can smell the bacon crackling on the stove. The boiling water for the eggs sends the pot into a seizure. She gets up and turns down the heat. Her shadow floats across the wall across from me and stops halfway. I hold my breath and close my eyes, still half-believing the childish idea that if I can't see me, neither can she.

"Moses, man up!"

2009-03-03T22:24:00.002-06:00

Some not-quite-fully-developed thoughts on 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Somewhere between about 55 A.D. and 2009 A.D., there seems to have emerged this general idea about what Paul was trying to say to the Corinthians about certain limits made by God. Maybe you're familiar with 1 Corinthians 10:13. Maybe in the midst of tragedy, a friend has cited this verse for you, saying, "remember what the Bible says. God won't give us more than we can handle."

Does it? My NIV is pretty clear about what Paul is referring to in 1 Corinthians 10:13. Here's how the NIV translation puts it:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I mean, sure, I guess "God won't give you more than you can handle" would seem like a comforting idea to someone who is hurting. The problem here is that this isn't truth. "Temptation" does not equal "hardships." Besides, suggesting that God won't give us more than we can handle is suggesting that God causes the hardships in our lives. (This is a complex idea; I would highly recommend Suffering and the Sovereignty of God).

I've been reading through the Old Testament...
So here's Moses out in the desert with all of these Israelites. And by all of them, I mean Moses says that the Lord has increased their number so that there are as many of them as there are stars in the sky (Deut. 1:10). In other words, here's Moses, one guy, trying to lead all of these complaining and disobedient people. He says, "You are too heavy a burden for me to carry alone." He suggests that some wise and respected men should be appointed to help out with the leadership. Moses is speaking to the Israelites here. Notice how they don't respond, "Moses, man up." They say, "What you propose to do is good" (Deut. 1:14). They set up this government of sorts.
Could you imagine the president's task if there were no senators, representatives, governors, mayors, clerks?

And even in the New Testament: here's Paul, who is pretty legit. He's experienced some pretty heavy things in his life. In his first letter to the Corinthians he says God will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. If we interpret that as "God won't give you more than you can handle," then Paul's second letter wouldn't be consistent with his claim. 2 Corinthians 1:8 - "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even life itself."

Does God only give us what we can handle? Absolutely not. God is always giving us way more than we can handle. Paul has first-hand experience here of such great suffering. And it's not even like "oh yeah, what we went through was really difficult, but we made it." Paul says the great pressure was far beyond their abilities. I can't even imagine. Then Paul continues. He is facing much more than he can handle but he recognizes "this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us." (2 Cor. 1:9-10) Wow.

I think it's really cool how all of this comes together through Scripture. Paul tells the Galatians to carry each others' burdens. If God didn't give them more than they could handle, this wouldn't be necessary, would it? Moses' burden was too heavy and God thought it good for others to help him carry it. Here's the thing, though. Paul says that even though the pressure he faced was so great, it "happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." Over and over again Scripture says that God's power is available to those who love him: Isaiah 40:29, 31; 1 Corinthians 15:57; Psalm 29:11; Ephesians 6:10; Exodus 15:2; 2 Samuel 22:33; Philippians 4:13; 1 Peter 4:11.

How sweet is it that we serve a God who has compassion on us, whose grace is sufficient if we would look to Him rather than at ourselves. Praise God we don't have to "man up." After all, about half of us are women. :]

march madness showdown

2009-03-02T15:47:00.002-06:00

Alright, alright! We did it last year, and this year we are back again for round two. Last time we saw some intense competition between highly motivated, highly passionate high school students from all over the country compete in the Zinch.com March Madness showdown. We're back at it again. I am pleased to support Burlington's own Annelise Masters. Annelise is a senior at Burlington High School. You can learn more about her on her Zinch profile.

This is how it goes down: students compete March-Madness style for a $20,000 scholarship. They advance to the next rounds based on number of votes. You can only vote once per round per IP address (so go find other computers and vote again). Tell your friends. (And maybe if Annelise wins, she'll buy you a coffee or something.... you'll have to take that up with her.)

There you have it!

This is America, so GO VOTE! (for Annelise)

journal | 23 february 2009

2009-03-01T18:35:00.007-06:00

buttered toast. Total cornflakes. Mountain Dew. Doublemint gum. Juicy Fruit. outdated...everything. refrigerator pictures. ship in a bottle. really old books. Hooly. Cash. Sam. "my little pixie." toy box. klondike bars. steep stairs. dog leash. big tree. red fence. squirrel feeder. unicorn glasses. chocolate milk, mostly chocolate. iced tea, mostly sugar. peanut brittle. grandma's pizza. coupons in the mail. candied yams. racism toward mexicans. dollhouse. gray walls. newspaper. irises. early mornings. sweetie. britches. oleo. so proud all the grandchildren would graduate from college. ruby rings. painted sweatshirts. birthday money. magazines. afghans.

2009-02-26T14:00:00.002-06:00

Funeral for Yesterday

      by alyssa reeves

We gathered in the garden where the morning glories popped their blameless faces into the early sun – blanched white, streaked with tears of blue.
When the people stopped looking at their shoes and digging trenches in the grass with their toes, I picked up my guitar and began to sing.

   We’ll dress in black and hail the rain,
   and when it falls, we’ll mourn and pray.
   Time shows no mercy to those who wait.
   A funeral for yesterday.

The people here are sheep, a congregation of uncomfortable nervousness. Their big eyes are watching for something they do not know. Each one’s instinct suggests that all is lost. They bleat, unaware of what exactly for.
I cry for them. Then I hold tight to my guitar and sing.

   Here is the spot we will surround
   as daylight fades into the ground.
   Our candles light the solemn shroud.
   A funeral for yesterday.

Four years ago I stood in this very place. It was different then. I knew nothing of the dulling ache when seconds, minutes made things change. The manmade pond held its breath when it slept. I might have mistaken it for fresh plot of fertile earth. The stars were loyal companions for a time.
My cell phone interrupted the scene, a single beep. The soft glow of the screen attracted a solitary moth that tapped, tapped, tapped into the firm surface. It would never learn. I swatted it away and read the text that told me of her end. After that night, I picked up the guitar and sang.

   What’s gone is gone and we’ll survive.
   This gathering’s for those alive.
   We leave it there and go inside.
   A funeral for yesterday.

We gathered in the garden where the flowers did not grieve. Here the people missed the past and dwelled, determined to pull a lesson from the forgotten and futile incidents of their grade school years. In vain. They all looked up when I paused the melody. I slowly sipped the water from my cup and thought on what had still remained.
I cannot play guitar at all. My fingers fear the nylon string; but without it I’d feel too alone. So I just hold it here and sing.

   The dawn’s a shaky lullaby
   that no strong will can yet defy.
   We’ll make amends to the infant sky.
   A funeral for yesterday.

The Great Return

2009-02-23T20:50:00.004-06:00

Well, I've taken nearly a month off. But hardboiled integrity is not dead.

I'm coming back March 1.

Get excited.

Meanwhile, check out some tunes from a new favorite find, Mat Kearney, along with some other rockin' tunes on my Drive Along playlist.
Get your free imeem account. You'll be glad you did.

Socially-Acceptable Emotion

2009-01-29T03:47:00.000-06:00

DISCLAIMER: This piece was written for a small collection of writers who meet weekly to discuss and workshop the art of prose, poetry, fiction, and nonfiction. It is strictly satirical.

Download the .docx file here; I think the formatting adds a little something extra.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A Written Guide to Social Conduct Concerning Emotions
(An Excerpt of Draft #2) by A. Reeves

There is one, and only one, socially-acceptable emotion, and that is happiness. Everything else is permissible, but only under controlled, careful moderation (See Figure 1). All emotions can be classified under the following groups and should be handled accordingly: anger, grief, sadness, silliness, and happiness (default). A detailed list of sub-groups will be included at the conclusion of this report.

ANGER If your co-worker is a jerk , you may be angry for 72.5 hours or until you have attained a reasonable level of revenge , whichever comes first.

GRIEF The grieving period upon the loss of an immediate family member is exactly six months maximum, or up to ten months if the cause of death is any of the following: murder, suicide, accidental food poisoning, injury by an animal, or terrorist attack.

SADNESS A two-week time is allotted for emotions related to sadness, regardless of the cause: depression, disappointment, discouragement. Anyone expressing these emotions longer than 14 days are strongly encouraged to maintain the default (detailed below) and/or take necessary steps to achieving the default (also detailed below).

SILLINESS Concerning varying degrees of silliness, whether by immaturity or romance, persons under the age of twenty years and four months are permitted 24 hours of excessive, unrestrained nonsense per 1,128 hours (47 days) of the default. Persons above the age of 20.33 years may be silly for six minutes at a time, and only on special occasions: birthdays, government-recognized holidays not associated with a religion, and upon the announcement of upcoming engagements or grandchildren. During these times, silliness may only be expressed in the presence of members of the same sex. Silliness induced by romance is permitted for a female only among her closest friends, and only during the first ten days of the causal relationship. If she violates this rule, her friends are authorized to express verbally and in writing both their jealousy and/or annoyance. All persons who wear light-up sneakers or who are unable to dress themselves are excused from all codes regarding silliness.

HAPPINESS (DEFAULT) Now, the rules for the socially-acceptable emotion of happiness must be followed precisely if one desires (and one should) to avoid possible (and almost certain) consequences including but not limited to chastisement, judgment, shunning, ridicule, flogging, and (on the occasion of multiple offenses) the appropriate loss of appendages. Happiness shall be regarded as the default emotion. When not expressing (appropriately) any other emotion, all persons shall default not to indifference, but to happiness.

Happiness is generally characterized by an optimistic attitude, a smile, and a gentle tone of voice. Laughter is often a display of happiness; however, laughter is not neglected from this code of conduct. Persons must not allow laughter to be too loud or lengthy, at which time it shall be considered silliness (see above). If a person finds a situation or conversation to be humorous, he is permitted to laugh at a volume just slightly louder than the level of the surrounding environment. Any laughter slightly or very accurately resembling a donkey – or any other farm animal for that matter – is too boisterous a display of enjoyment and should be strongly discouraged. Circumstances deemed slightly funny by the observers shall be responded to with a quiet chuckle or silent smile.

The default emotion of happiness is actually quite simple; after all, it should come naturally. The monotony of everyday life is a source of abundant joy and contentment. The very state of living is a blessing, not a burden. Regardless of one’s situation, even if he believes he is experiencing great suffering, one must find happiness in the simple truth that there is always someone who has it worse.

NATURAL DISASTERS In the event of circumstances beyond the control of ordinary citizens (namely, natural disasters), it is to be expected that persons may experience a plethora of unanticipated emotions such as grief, sadness, and anger, upon which all rules may be disregarded for a period of two days, after which all persons must return to default.

FAILURE TO DEFAULT Any and all persons unable to successfully and consistently maintain a default state of happiness will be subject to any or all of the following possible strategies: individual therapy, group therapy, horticulture therapy, mood-stabilizing drugs (commonly for depression/ADHD), shock therapy, solitary confinement, or spiritual guidance counseling. Also, and most preferably, a person may choose to deny or stuff his emotions down and carefully portray a sense of the default (in such a manner that another person would not be able to distinguish this false default and a true default). All persons failing to maintain default and resorting to a suggested solution must be careful to never discuss emotions varying from default, as doing so is undoubtedly a sign of personal weakness and/or abnormality.

. . .

Wednesday Tunes

2009-01-28T07:10:00.004-06:00

One of my favorite songs, introduced to me by Kristin. You know, one of those I sing really loud when I'm driving alone:

LFO - Life is Good (.wma)

Ithaca is Gorges in the Winter

2009-01-23T21:30:00.003-06:00

This weekend I travelled to Ithaca, NY to see my brother and one of his basketball games at Cornell.

My bro and his "puppy" Lola.
More pictures are on Facebook.

Wednesday Tunes and Thoughts

2009-01-21T17:36:00.004-06:00

Song of the week:
Become - Goo Goo Dolls

----------------
Some under-developed thoughts from Radina's:

My heart breaks for the broken-hearted. My tears fall for the lonely people, hurting people, aching people. Usually when no one is watching.

What if we had true compassion for other human beings? He's just like me: passionate, quiet, and broken. She's just like you: funny, ambitious, and sinful. There is no such thing as an ordinary person. There are no mere mortals (-C.S. Lewis). "Average Joe." A lie. What if we recognized the common element -- the thread that binds us all together: our utter depravity. We are all in need of a Savior.

We are moved by our emotions, by circumstances and stories that we can imagine, relate to, or have experienced first hand. But are we really moved? Or do we continue to sit? What about the things that happen at a distance? How can we learn to love our neighbor who has lost her daughter if we have not experienced such grief? How can we be compassionate to the man on the highway asking for money if we have not felt the pangs of poverty?

How can we grasp the depth of our sin? The reality of the cross? The severity of the crucifixion? And the glory of the resurrection?

It's time to get your hands dirty.

Setting, Conflict, Climax, and Resolution

2009-01-17T09:18:00.003-06:00

(INKwell writing assignment: Create some form of literature using already published works [ie. plagarize]. Phrases must be at least three words in length.)

All pieces of this poem are snippets from Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2003.

Setting, Conflict, Climax, and Resolution

I was born with a small bladder
so I wet the bed till I was ten.
My family had a Buick.
My mother never drove drunk.

I landed in Portland.
It wasn't cute or neat.
Nobody will listen to you
unless they sense that you like them.
Everybody is watching everybody else.

Every good story has a climax
like something with copious amounts of sex and blood.
I am such a sheep about sharing my faith.
It wasn't long before I felt like a phony.

The heart responds to conflict within story.
I was bowing down to the gold cows
of religiosity and philosophy.
I wanted to make a sign that read
"I AM THE PROBLEM!"

I remember feeling tired for almost a year.
The air was cold.
It was like a bacteria or a cancer;
I couldn't put words to it.
I thought I had forever to figure things out.
Enlightenment came in an unexpected place:
a grocery store.

I wanted to resolution God was offering:
great gravity and all the pretty girls at UMASS.

the hanging

2009-01-16T16:25:00.007-06:00

The darkness is a slow fade. Evening seeps in through the windows so subtly that I don't even notice the light's absence until my ink begins to blend into the air above it and my head subconsciously falls closer to the page. As far as I'm concerned, we'll leave the lights off. There's a calm in the room, like sleep -- that hidden gas that slows our breathing and pushes down on our eyelids. Outside, the bass of a passing truck reverberates and echoes off my heart, making it all tingly. It tickles. There is a plant that hangs above the kitchen sink. Does it feel unnatural, suspended above the ground in such a manner? Does it feel different? It can see all the other plants outside tied firmly to the earth. "Jump," I whisper. The aftermath would be a mess to clean up, but I care more deeply about its liberation. "Jump!"

wednesday tune-age

2009-01-14T19:23:00.003-06:00

My favorite of the day.
Check out this song: Ocean - Ten Shekel Shirt

(You may have to sign in or make an account, but it's FREE!)

make my day.

2009-01-13T08:41:00.001-06:00

Because sometimes it's easy to focus on the fact that you paid too much for a coursepak or that you ate too spicy food with excessive amounts of water and stayed up all night throwing up...

Go ahead. Make my day.

The Sovereignty of God and Ethnic-Based Suffering

2009-01-12T11:56:00.003-06:00

Notes from Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, John Piper, ed. "The Sovereignty of God and Ethnic-Based Suffering" by Carl F. Ellis, Jr.

What happens before we fall into temptation? We decide what we desire is good for us. We reenact the Fall every time we give into temptation, rejecting the Word of God and the basis of life.

In the Old Testament, people were under a covenant of works. Adam and Even broke that covenant (and everyone to follow did too). But instead of condemning us all to hell like we deserve, God shows us grace and gave us the covenant of salvation through Christ.

The effect of the fall
*human power differential

The basis of ethnic-based strife and suffering is human power struggles. Before sin, there was no power struggle between Adam and God because of their unity; Adam was made in God's image. After the fall, their oneness was broken. This led to individuality and self-centeredness (Gen. 3:12) Man and woman begin to seek dominion and dominance over each other, which results in inequality. We see this as soon as God comes looking for Adam and Eve after they ate the fruit, and Adam says, "Eve ate it first." He places the blame and suggests he is above Eve.

Power struggles infected all human relationships, including all people groups throughout the world.

*Persecution (Gen. 3:15)

The seed of the woman is against the seed of the serpent. In other words, Savior v. Satan and God's covenant people v. enemies of God. Persecution has become a significant manifestation of human power struggles.

The Mystery of Suffering
Job: the relationship between human suffering and divine justice (theodicy)
- Job's account demonstrates that the bad things that happen to us are not necessarily related to our sin, anymore than the good things that happen to us are related to our righteousness, of which we have none (Isa. 64:6)

In suffering, we don't see the whole picture, but the mystery to us is not a mystery to God.

The Basis of Suffering
The cause of suffering is sin.

Suffering caused by sin can be divided into two groups:
I. Apparently random effects of sin
A. Storms
B. Floods
C. Earthquakes
D. Tsunamis, etc.
II. Direct results from sin
A. Ungodliness (we sin, we suffer)
1. Carelessness
2. Laziness
3. Irresponsibility
B. Oppression (we sin, others suffer)

Oppression = sin + power

One of the foundations of oppression is creature-ism: judging the Creator by the standard of the creation.
Other sub-categories include:
> me-ism : judging others by the standard of myself
> cultural imperialism : judging other cultures by the standard of my culture
> sexism : judging the other gender by the standard of my gender
> racism : judging the other races by the standard of my race
> ethno-centrism : judging other people groups by the standard of my people group

Manifestations
Israel. God told them, "I chose you. So, become Jews."
Israel heard, "God chose us because we are Jews."
Becoming a Jew was supposed to be a response to God's saving grace. They assumed they would always habe the status of the dominant culture in God's kingdom.

Acts 13:14-48
When Paul speaks, the Jews listen and invite him to speak more. Then, the Jews become filled with jealous and began speaking abusively against what Paul was saying (v. 44).

Acts 21-22
The Jews were willing to listen to Paul's testimony about Jesus, but when Paul brought up the Gentiles, the Jews got upset (22:21-24)

Ethnic-based suffering comes out of these power struggles, out of dominant/sub-dominant dynmics.

Dimensions
One of the results of oppression is marginalization, which happesn when that which is valid is regarded as invalid merely because it differs fromthe prevailing standards of creature-ism.

Four Dimensions of Marginalization
1) Relational (face-to-face)
2) Systematic (by way of time-honored conventions and protocols)
3) by Design (intentional; results from subjugation)
4) by Default (resulting from a lack of either real or perceived power)

Levels of Racism
I. Institutionalized
A. initial historical insult
B. structural barriers
C. inaction in the face of need
D. societal norms
E. biological determinism
F. unearned privilege
II. Personally meditated
A. intentional
B. unintentional
C. acts of commission
D. acts of omission
E. maintains structural barriers
F. condoned by social norms
III. Internalized racism (most devastating - "lower" groups begin to believe they are inferior)
A. reflects systems of privilege
B. reflects social values
C. erodes individual sense of value
D. undermines collective action
(group members begin to despise each other)

Internalized Oppression
1) Moses stands up for the Hebrew being beaten and kills an Egyptian. He knows he is Hebrew, though he grew up in the Pharoah's house (an Egyptian). When Moses stops fighting between fellow Hebrews in Ex. 2:14, they show no respect for Moses. They say, "Who put you in charge? Are you going to kill us like you killed that Egyptian?"
After 400 years of slavery, the Hebrews believed they were inferior.

2) Children of Israel complained against God because God identified with them. In their minds, a God identifying with Hebrews must be inferior (Ex. 3:18, 32:1-9)

God's Awareness of Suffering
Isaiah 53:3 - Jesus was familiar with suffering
John 11:33 - Jesus knew he would resurrect Lazarus, but he identified with the family's grief and wept with them.

How should we respond to suffering? We are called to restrain sin and destroy the consequences of sin in this world as much as possible. We should seek to minimize the dominant/sub-dominant dynamics in human relationships in general and within the body of Christ in particular (James 2:1-4)

What should distinguish the body of Christ is gratitude for God for his saving grace, by:
1) Faith - our response of trusting Christ and his saving grace
2) Works - the resulting demonstration of our faith and thanksgiving to Christ for his saving grace.

The Window of Practical Spirituality
*salvific - an ongoing, strong desire to grow in our knowledge and experience of God's salvation
*doxological - an ongoing, strong desire to show the excellence of God's glory

We do faith well, but not works. This is because we have lost the doxological motivation in spirituality.

The People of God and Suffering
Since the fall, God has worked through his people as a sub-dominant group (Jhn. 18:36). We are to be aliens and strangers in this world, because we realize it is not our home. Heaven is, and here we are just passing through. (Hebrews 11:13, 16; 1 Peter 1:17, 2:11; Isaiah 58:6-8)

Purpose of Ethnicity
All people groups have a unique contribution to make to the glory of God. (Haggai 2:7; Revelation 7:9-10)

Old Testament Tabloids

2009-01-10T12:44:00.005-06:00

You can't help but eye the big black and white headlines on the tabloids as you're standing in line to checkout at the supermarket. Some of the headlines are simply ridiculous*:

ASTRONOMER DISCOVERS PLANET MADE ENTIRELY OF NOODLES!

BOOZE CAN MELT AWAY POUNDS!

ALIEN MUMMY GOES ON RAMPAGE!

Okay, okay. Most of our parents taught us at a young age that the tabloids are grossly exaggerated or simply bogus. What about the regular news? Some headlines from CNN:

Minced onions force emergency landing

Drew Peterson is scaring me, neighbor says

Stephen King, bikinis help heat Maine

Print media has been around for awhile. The earliest recorded "newspaper" is from about 59 B.C. Julius Caesar had upcoming events posted in major cities to keep the public informed about important political and social issues. "Tabloids" didn't really make their appearance until the late 19th century. This is probably a good thing; when you read the accounts from the Old Testament, these events certainly do not fall short of tabloid-worthy status.

I'm reading through the Old Testament, and Genesis 19 really stuck out to me. The chapter is about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot is in Sodom when two angels appear to him and he asks them to stay at his house. The men of Sodom show up at his door and say,

"Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them." (Genesis 19:5)

Instead of just refusing to allow the sin of these men, Lot makes them an offer.

"No, my friends. Don't do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don't do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof." (Genesis 19:7-8)

Really, Lot? This is a horrendous, unjustifiable offer. The men try to break into his house and they are struck blind so they cannot find the door. The two angels tell him to get his family out of the city because it will be destroyed for its wickedness. So Lot goes out of the city with his wife and daughters. The Lord tells them not to look back. (His wife does, probably because she is grieved to be leaving her possessions, and she is turned into a pillar of salt.)

Now Lot and his daughters retreat to a cave in the mountains. The daughters start to worry because there are no men around to have children with. So they say, "Hey, let's get Dad drunk and have sex with him." Well, not in those exact words...

One day the older daughter said to the younger, "Our father is old, and there is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth. Let's get our father to drink wine and then lie with him and preserve our family line through our father." (Genesis 19:31-32)

Lot and his family lost everything in the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah -- yet they had wine with them in the mountains. This shows the priorities of a compromising heart; they either brought it with them or obtained it shortly after leaving the city. The sin of Lot's daughters was desperate. Perhaps they thought the entire earth had been destroyed and it was up to them to repopulate it. In any case, under these trying circumstances, they chose to do everything except to trust God.

The people of Sodom and Gomorrah didn't take God seriously. The seriousness of sin is no less today than it was during Lot's time. The thing is, God is just and he will always punish sin (maybe not today or tomorrow, but he as he is holy and righteous, he cannot overlook it). However, God is also loving. We are just as sinful as the people of Sodom and Gomorrah, but God provided Christ to satisfy his wrath toward our sin. Now that should be making headlines.

I love Jesus Christ.

2009-01-08T18:01:00.003-06:00

Sometimes singing worship songs doesn't always feel like worshiping. Honestly, my heart isn't always in it; I'm tired or distracted and I'm just going through the motions. But the moments God graciously blocks out the world so I can meet with Him, ah, Glorious.

It was my sophomore year of high school. I had started going to the youth group at the Baptist Church because Erica's boyfriend (now husband), JR convinced us to go. I was involved in BASIC (Brothers and Sisters in Christ) at the high school, but I still knew so little about my God. In the spring I found myself at an Acquire the Fire Event in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The day was long and I was tired, but the lights dimmed and the band began. And everything that I had been hearing and learning came together and the worship was real. The words made sense:

Here I am to worship, here I am to say that you're my God.

That. That's why I was there. That's why I was singing, to tell God, "God, you're mine. I'm yours. I could make gods of the things of this world, but I am here today to declare that you are my God." I am a follower of Christ, and it's not about showing up to church on Sundays or saying the right things. It's about my relationship with the Lord of the universe, who loves me dearly, and I (if I am by any means capable of such) love Him.

I'll join John Piper and James Morgan in starting 2009 saying, "I love Jesus Christ." Check out Piper's Taste & See article.

I admire Jesus Christ more than any other human or angelic being.
I enjoy his ways and his words more than I enjoy the ways and words of anyone else.
I want his approval more than I want the approval of anyone else.
I want to be with him more than I want to be with anyone else.
I feel more grateful to him for what he has done for me than I do to anyone else.
I trust his words more fully than I trust what anyone else says.
I am more glad in his exaltation than in the exaltation of anyone else, including me.

falls short

2009-01-06T16:04:00.004-06:00

An analogy for you

Calvin's throws : hitting target :: Alyssa's thoughts : resulting brilliant words

Coming soon. I promise.

tome el corazón

2009-01-04T18:25:00.002-06:00

In the presence of love, there is great courage.

Make My Day - 2009

2009-01-01T18:35:00.086-06:00

December 31, 2009

a pretty awesome/significant year
trusting God with my future
Jessica and Teresa. Always real nice to me at work.

December 30, 2009

love, love, love my job
getting a lot done at work
a writer actually asking me questions; appreciate it!

December 29, 2009

coming across Flash Fiction 365
getting my windshield repaired for $25 (instead of $50)
productive at work -- inserting/tagging devos in 25 secs

December 28, 2009

setting up dentist and eye appts. -- really nice people
installing my programmable thermostat
diverting small crises

December 27, 2009

making it back to Nashville safely
being cared about
hot shower

December 26, 2009

getting a bunch of movies from Mom
Marley being all sweet and purry
almond bark-covered pretzels

December 25, 2009

sledding with JR, Erica, Geoff, Hilary, and Hil's little bro
seeing all the relatives
playing The Office board game
God in a manger (what could be stranger?)

December 24, 2009

seeing Jenn
time home w/ family
relaxing and quality homemade meals

December 23, 2009

spending time with Lindsey
making bierocks for dinner
text from Paige (even if it was at 12:30 am) ;)
making it home safely

December 22, 2009

editing in the sunshine in Jeff's office
going to Kairos with Paige
intimate time with Jesus

December 21, 2009

being really productive at work
prayer
God's promises

December 20, 2009

the privilege of knowing Cliff for a few months
good music and worship
cleaning the house

December 19, 2009

lots of rest
finishing reading through the Bible
new lotion: sandalwood + cinnamon (my favorite scent)

December 18, 2009

gift from Trudy
getting mail
free TV from the Lands

December 17, 2009

talking (informally) with Courtney and Paige
interviewing Paige Armstrong & starting the article
being reminded of purpose and passion

December 16, 2009

Andrea coming back to LifeWay to help with kindergarten stuff. :D
Katy giving me an orange
prepping for Paige Armstrong interview; should be great

December 15, 2009

LifeWay Christmas musical
making progress on the elephant I'm eating
getting my dishes done

December 14, 2009

getting the newest Michael Gungor Band album, Beautiful Things
finding the stash of holiday Kisses in the breakroom - yummy!
the temperature being 63 degrees.

December 13, 2009

going for a run (53 degrees)
listening to a Mark Driscoll sermon
grilling hamburgers

December 12, 2009

starting the morning w/ a workout
e-mail from Jenn
grilled chicken and diet Coke

December 11, 2009

department Christmas party
sunshine and deep blue skies
time to read

December 10, 2009

meeting my deadlines
reading through Hebrews
opportunities to prove myself

December 9, 2009

feeling really focused all day
text message from Shoff
hitting green lights on my drive home

December 8, 2009

team time at Jeff and Abbey's
having high enough iron/donating blood
watching The Holiday

December 7, 2009

being office neighbors with Katy
e-mail from Jenn
cooking

December 6, 2009

hanging out with Andrea
resting/napping
Titus, Philemon

December 5, 2009

getting my oil changed, laundry done, shopping done, and house cleaned by 10am
Bill and Reed bringing me a Christmas tree
working out

December 4, 2009

starting work on undated products (It's fun!)
nice people at the Regions Grassmere branch
my sister handling the gifts for parents this year

December 3, 2009

Andrea's surprise visit to work
listenUp segment on the radio (listenuptoday.org)
http://www.theblazingcenter.com/

December 2, 2009

free Redbox movie and ultra comfy bed
finishing Thessalonians
Clarissa's reminder of Christ's great love

December 1, 2009

finishing (for now) pulling archived activities
meetings. I just like my team a lot.
warm showers and warm clothes

November 30, 2009

being back at work
Andrea coming over to see my house
a warm house

November 29, 2009

making it back to Nashville
going to First Baptist Church of Biloxi
beach with Clarissa

November 28, 2009

seeing The Blind Side
finding Christmas gifts on sale
touring Biloxi/Ocean Springs/Gulfport

November 27, 2009

a safe, relatively quick drive to Biloxi
seeing the ocean!
time with Clarissa

November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving lunch with the Lands
my neighbor stopping by to make sure I had Thanksgiving plans
talking to Stac on the phone

November 25, 2009

getting home early
hot chocolate with Cheryl and Jessica
2-hr. nap

November 24, 2009

Trudy's mechanic tightening my wheel for free
Andrea calling me
Hearing from Clarissa

November 23, 2009

taking Erica to work
lunch at P.F. Chang's
friends

November 22, 2009

hilarious cashier at Old Time Pottery
lunch at Applebee's
getting inexpensive rugs

November 21, 2009

seeing Mat Kearney at the airport
going to Gaylord Opryland hotel with Erica to see Christmas decorations
making cookies and watching Law & Order

November 20, 2009

Tim letting me borrow his space heater :)
My coworkers. They're great.
Finishing 1 Corinthians

November 19, 2009

getting recognized at dept. mtg. for being a new employee ;) (3 months late but I still appreciate it!)
Jennifer Brady asking me about my life. It was just really nice of her.
the 7 a.m. water brigade. Every morning. 7 a.m. I enjoy the trip.

November 18, 2009

Kroger sending me four $5 off $30 coupons
talking to my sister
listening to Piper sermons while assembling my table & chairs
Happy Wednesday from Clarissa

November 17, 2009

York peppermint pattie from Katy
reading Romans. (gospel, gospel, gospel, not even a Gospel)
my dining room table and chairs ready for pick up

November 16, 2009

getting the OK from Clarissa to come visit
saving Grace
getting to learn CS4

November 15, 2009

Mark hanging all the blinds and hardware in my house
getting to show Mom and Mark the city
hearing from Clarissa

November 14, 2009

watching Cornell beat Alabama
seeing my brother
incredible weather

November 13, 2009

weekend forecast of warm weather: 70s
getting to go home at 10:30
my mom and Mark bringing my stuff
getting to move into my house!

November 12, 2009

interviewing Mission 6
getting the Rubyz article written
my coworkers & hilarious hallway conversations
the opportunity to meet a need and the ability to do so

November 11, 2009

veterans who fought for our freedoms
getting coupons for four 1/2 days off to use between now and Feb. 11 :)
sleep & electric blankets

November 10, 2009

interviewing Cammie and Alexis, of The Rubyz
laughing at our table during Rebecca's baby shower
getting nine sets of blinds for my house for less than $50

November 9, 2009

WNAZ playing a bunch of great songs on my drive in to work
Jenn giving me much-needed advice
Andrea calling me on her way to school
love from Clarissa

November 8, 2009

80-degree day
reading John Piper
finding a nearby school with a track

November 7, 2009

Katy, her husband, and her friends; and their big hearts
my neighbor Margaret - this woman is looking out for me!
being a homeowner
my Redeemer loving a wretch like me

November 6, 2009

Staci Miller's blog
e-mailing a joke to Jenn
today being Friday

November 5, 2009

getting great deal on groceries
101 meeting at work - fun working with people I don't usually work with
free lunch! BBQ chicken quesadilla, sweet potato fries, and diet Pepsi

November 4, 2009

getting my dryer vent and deadbolt installed
coupons, coupons, coupons
reading through the Book of Acts

November 3, 2009

phone call from Andrea
wearing my comfy $5 clearance Target shirt after work
two people at the grocery store letting me get in front of them since I only had 1 item
winning a sweet door prize at the LifeWay Crafts Fair
talking to Jenn and hearing her engagement story :]

November 2, 2009

driving in with the sunrise
Mexican food for lunch with Rebecca and the graphic designers
a bright, sun-shiney day
my awesome realtor telling the seller what's up
my team seeing my house

November 1, 2009

an "extra" hour in the morning
grocery game
finishing reading the Gospels
getting my yard mowed

October 31, 2009

finding out Jenn is engaged!
Perry the electrician helping me out so much
getting all the leaves raked up at my house
hearing from Clarissa

October 30, 2009

warm weather! high of 76
Jenn Waller - her life, her friendship. Today's her birthday!
getting a nice mention on my agent's blog

October 29, 2009

Scott Allen & Pastor Tom - Tom letting me use his truck and Scott driving it and helping me move a stove
being able to do what I love (edit and share Jesus) every day
people who do their jobs well, which makes my life easier (namely, HR people and bankers)

October 28, 2009

being a homeowner!
meeting some of my neighbors
housewarming gift from Tiffany

October 27, 2009

hearing from Ann
sitting in Jeff's comfy office chair
getting car insurance squared away

October 26, 2009

early AM phone call from Andrea
seeing Kate this morning
Cheryl inviting me to a show at the Schermerhorn Symphony Center
crossing a lot off my to-do list

October 25, 2009

the opportunity to give directions to a traveler who missed I-24/having a map of Nashville to give to him
walking in the not-too-cool yet crisp autumn evening air
people who met needs today: my church, Andrea, Staci

October 24, 2009

resetting perspective
the Gospels - finished reading through Luke
rest

October 23, 2009

going for a walk
encouragement from Andrea
LifeWay family

October 22, 2009

getting a *free* refrigerator!
working with awesome people
diet Coke and a banana nut muffin

October 21, 2009

free snacks
lunch w/ Jeff and Trudy
thinking of Ann, Clarissa, Jenn, and Kristin today

October 20, 2009

Staci's blog - she's so great!
my Mom taking care of so many things for me back in Kansas -- so wonderful
getting banking stuff worked out and scheduled

October 19, 2009

nice weather (sunny, 60s)
lunch with Andrea (and Rebecca, Jessica, Cheryl, Jeff, Bill, and Jackie) at Copper Kettle
getting mail

October 18, 2009

doing a lot today: church, cleaning, washing the car, reading, going to the store
watching a movie (The Proposal) with the roomies
relaxing day including reading (GodStories) and watching football

October 17, 2009

starting the day early with a quiet time
battling and conquering the replacement of the tub spout
working out

October 16, 2009

mail from Reiko
sleeping well
quiet and productive day at work

October 15, 2009

message from Lindsey
fall/winter weather and hot oatmeal chocolate chip cookies
clean house and The Office

October 14, 2009

chapel service
reading the Gospels
phone call from Geoff

October 13, 2009

coupons and free samples in the mail
getting 10 hours of sleep
changing leaves

October 12, 2009

being done moving into my office
having time to sit and read
enjoyable weather

October 11, 2009

laughter
Kate and Rachel
love

October 10, 2009

walking around downtown
helping Andrea with school stuff
new Dial soap - smelling good and being clean just makes me feel nice

October 9, 2009

seeing Mark Hall and listening to new Casting Crowns songs
getting to go home early
mail from Lindsey + sunflower seeds from Kansas :)
discovering Owl City music, so great!

October 8, 2009

dinner with the writers
Las Paletas trip
watching the Office with my roomies :-]

October 7, 2009

meeting our preteen writers
Chick-Fil-A sending me a coupon for a free sandwich for participating in their free-sandwich day
young adults meeting at church
seeing a huge moon in the east

October 6, 2009

reading again
doing a little writing
chai tea in the AM
being in love with my Redeemer

October 5, 2009

mail from Ann
minestrone with Jessica
Nala being all snuggly
lots of free books

October 4, 2009

meeting Jeanna (pron. Gina) at church
a quiet, stay-in-bed rainy day
watercolor painting

October 3, 2009

getting the vacuum clean and in working order
dinner with Andrea and Matt
teaching Andrea how to do cool things in Word

October 2, 2009

making it under budget at the grocery store
winning 4 KC Ren Fest tickets through the Lawrence Journal-World, haha
Friday!

October 1, 2009

starting in on the New Testament today
finishing a budget for the next six months
tonight: hour-long Office episode: Jim and Pam's wedding!
a letter from Clarissa! yaaaay! :)

September 30, 2009

great chapel service; hymn (new to me): Power of the Cross (O to See the Dawn)
getting to spend big chunks of my workday in the Word
parties at work (Starr, Trudy)
talking to Erica (it seems we always end up talking about taxes, LOL)

September 29, 2009

finished reading through the Old Testament
donating blood/snacks and drink afterward
talking to Kristin

September 28, 2009

cool weather
seeing the kitten
getting newspapers in the mail
good news: my house has no termites

September 27, 2009

Sunday School outside -- beautiful weather!
worship song: "Sing to the King"
spending time with Andrea

September 26, 2009

early AM thunderstorms
chai tea from concentrate (the best kind) + Mat Kearney music
decoupaging a journal and getting some editing done

September 25, 2009

getting a front page article printed on today's Coffey County Republican
feeling peace in the presence of God
my GMail migration completing for work
awesome roommates :0]

September 24, 2009

a good day at work
seeing the Carnton Plantation in Franklin, TN
a really nice woman at Kroger

September 23, 2009

getting a call from Kristin!
my dad and Karen visiting
free steak dinner (thanks Dad)

September 22, 2009

Google Apps training. Amy Thompson is hilarious!
lunch with the team for Jackie's birthday
the view from the 8th floor at 6:05am: a downtown glittered with lights against a dark backdrop

September 21, 2009

rocking out to Lecrae on my drive in to work
Love so amazing, so divine demands my soul, my life, my all
good day at work

September 20, 2009

First Baptist Nashville. I love my church!
Cliff (at church) telling a story about a worship leader who heard a man sing very well. The worship leader said, "If I had a voice like yours, people would have to hit me in the head to keep me from singing all the time!" Then Cliff said, "Alyssa (he pronounces it Alisa, I let it go), if I had a smile like yours, people would have to knock me in the head to keep me from smiling all the time!" Cliff is in his 70s. I love sweet old men.
writing up an article on Jason Waller music
my roommates are beautiful

September 19, 2009

recycling day and crossing a lot off my to-do list
eating ice cream cake w/ Rachel
hanging out with Reed. He's a sweetie :)

September 18, 2009

extremely productive day: much off the to-do list, bought a range, picked homeowner's insurance, signed a bunch of papers, sent 5 sets of PDFs to banker over lunch, met Tiffany at the house to speak with inspector
music. music. music. I live in Music City! I spend about an hour in my car every day and love listening to great music while I drive.
reading the Book of Nahum at 2:30am

September 17, 2009

acting out "Office" scenarios at the department meeting
eating lunch with Sarah (and talking about boys...tee hee)
phone date with Jenn :)
Season 6 premiere of The Office

September 16, 2009

Ann calling me
getting season 5 of The Office in the mail from my mom
rehearsing skits at work, laughing so much
putting a stapler in jello

September 15, 2009

interviewing John Cooper of the band Skillet
getting to write scripts based on The Office for a department meeting
staying in touch with Kennan
talking with Rachel

September 14, 2009

keeping busy at work
really nice guy from Liberty Mutual explaining homeowner's insurance to me
finishing The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers

September 13, 2009

doing a decent job at teaching 5th grade Sunday School
new record
Kate and Rachel. I like living here.

September 12, 2009

achieving a goal
being prepared to teach tomorrow
6 a.m. quiet time

September 11, 2009

driving into the city in the mornings; I just love it.
getting an offer the seller and I (the buyer) both agree on. Signing the papers!
tall skinny chai latte - Tiffany's treat

September 10, 2009

Teresa -- she's so sweet to me!
working at LifeWay
the One who bestows in us the love that stained a cross

September 9, 2009

getting closer to buying a house
talking to Kate
meeting Steven Curtis Chapman

September 8, 2009

getting Kate her cash back
watching Rachel try to make eggs
productive day at work

September 7, 2009

walking trails with Kate and Rachel
free Chick-Fil-A sandwich
a three-day weekend

September 6, 2009

meeting someone new at church
living in Tennessee. love it.
hanging out with Andrea :)

September 5, 2009

talking to Andrea
watching Garden State
finishing a book

September 4, 2009

seeing a big, beautiful pink-colored moon on the way to work this morning
getting off work an hour early
having fun making a Word document "look pretty"

September 3, 2009

making an offer on a house!
writing a letter to Clarissa
seeing a kitten :]

September 2, 2009

Tiffany showing me a house
cool weather
mail from Kennan!

September 1, 2009

meeting Dr. Rainer
meeting people at orientation
Tiffany maybe finding me a great house

August 31, 2009

driving into the city with the sunrise
e-mail from Jenn
my hope in Christ and feeling excited about life
hanging out with Rachel

August 30, 2009

new place: the rooster across the street; watching Kate watch movies/TV shows--her reactions are hilarious
talking to Grandma and Grandpa
worship and fellowship at First Baptist Nashville

August 29, 2009

moving in with Kate and Rachel
taking a 3-hr. nap
feeling understood

August 28, 2009

dinner w/ Jessica's mom and uncle
getting all packed up
ice cream

August 27, 2009

learning how to do more stuff with InCopy
getting Clarissa's mailing address
quality music

August 26, 2009

starting off the workday with LifeWay Chapel service
talking to Jenn
5 free mp3 downloads
the Father's deep love

August 25, 2009

e-mail from Clarissa!
having a great realtor
working at LifeWay

August 24, 2009

looking at houses with Tiffany
tea party for Grandma Trudy :)
Ann calling to talk

August 23, 2009

Sunday school cookout
talking with my parents about houses
watching America's Funniest Home Videos clips on YouTube

August 22, 2009

texting w/ Matthew
listening to Mark Driscoll sermon: Vintage Jesus, pt. 1
driving by some potential homes

August 21, 2009

$1 for a 4 pack of diet Mt. Dew
loving work: basically learning the Bible while editing (two of my fav. things)
the opportunity to serve others

August 20, 2009

getting organized
thunderstorms during the day
my boss asking me to interview Skillet

August 19, 2009

meeting with my realtor
going to bed early
reading Ezekiel -- loving it; what a stark picture of the need for Christ

August 18, 2009

getting my TN license plate
being pre-approved
rain

August 17, 2009

seeing Mrs. Littleton in the hallway
getting my TN driver's license
text from Clarissa

August 16, 2009

new people at Bible study/Sunday school
time to be creative: making a greeting card
God's everlasting love. I'll stop trying to figure out why and just worship in this.

August 15, 2009

making cinnamon rolls for breakfast
sitting down and reading Desiring God
chattin' with Matthew

August 14, 2009

having more fun at the department meeting than expected
meeting with a banker to talk about pre-approval for a mortgage loan
watching Rob's "I ain't gone fishin' no mo'" video on Facebook

August 13, 2009

Jerry giving me a $2 voucher to the cafe. I bought some SunChips and M&Ms to go with the sandwich I brought for lunch.
Abe & Jessica getting me a card and box of ice cream drumsticks to cheer me up.
getting a little extra money in my account I didn't know was coming

August 12, 2009

LifeWay chapel with Jimmy Draper
praising God because I can afford to get my car fixed
finding a can of diet Mt. Dew in the backseat of my car. I stopped buying it to save money.

August 11, 2009

text from Clarissa
note from Pastor Tom in the mail
quiet time

August 10, 2009

a beautiful morning, sunrise in my rearview mirror
getting invited to get water with the 7am group
making progress on TN residency

August 9, 2009

Shoff, Amanda, and their friend Cambria came to visit!
hanging out with Jessica
Simba and Nala being real purry

August 8, 2009

talking to Lacie for 45 minutes
getting some great deals at NY&Co.
reading Jeremiah

August 7, 2009

great song: Addison Road - "What Do I Know of Holy?"
getting a job offer.. and taking it!
hanging out with Jessica and reading

August 6, 2009

coming up with an inexpensive, easy lunch option
a safe drive back to Nashville
love

August 5, 2009

note from Clarissa
going to the lake
hanging out with Jenn

August 4, 2009

seeing Anne and Andrew
Radina's: chai lattes, reading, free sandwich
phone call from Landry

August 3, 2009

making plans: haircut, staying with Jenn
doing a lot of reading
making Snickerdoodles

August 2, 2009

rescuing a gigantic turtle from Mom's yard to the pond
mailing some coupons I don't need to people who do
playing with Marley

August 1, 2009

breakfast with Lindsey
biking the Katy Trail
talking about house details w/ Erica & Mom

July 31, 2009

accident-free drive from Nashville to KC
Ethan fixing my brake light
Time with Ann, Meredith, and Monica

July 30, 2009

signing contracts
having enough iron to donate blood
getting to go back to Kansas for a bit

July 29, 2009

Jessica and Abe letting me stay another month
Talking to Jenn
getting offered a contract position for August

July 28, 2009

getting my drug test, grammar test, and HR interview all scheduled for tomorrow
rainy day, great for cleaning/packing
having sweet friends

July 27, 2009

job interview going pretty well
talking to/texting/messaging friends: Ann, Clarissa, Kaylene
a much-needed nap on a cloudy evening

July 26, 2009

making it to church this morning (almost slept in too late!)
getting to see Clarissa :0]
quiet day to relax and do interview prep.

July 25, 2009

finishing the notebook project
time to think and realize I want nothing but Jesus
text from Clarissa

July 24, 2009

the awesome opportunity to work with Andrea all summer
walking downtown with Andrea, Jessica, Rebecca, Trudy, and Cheryl this afternoon
knowing the Lord is God and He is sovereign

July 23, 2009

seeing Rob and his two friends after work
job interviews scheduled for Monday
lunch at Baja Burrito with coworkers

July 22, 2009

hearing from Rob who is en-route to Nashville!
ice cream + the Office with Abe and Jessica
Brooke Fraser music to/from work

July 21, 2009

breakfast party in honor of the interns
getting an e-mail from Jenn
opening my windows to smell the rain

July 20, 2009

being really productive at work
cooking with Jessica
finding out that job interviews are next week

July 19, 2009

hanging out with Jessica and Abe
prayerfully working on the notebook project
having beautiful friends

July 18, 2009

a very productive morning
a cool day, literally -- felt like fall
starting a project for a friend

July 17, 2009

having a clean room
finding out Olympus makes replacement battery attachments for my voice recorder, just $7 + I found a coupon for 10% off and free shipping
day off to read and relax

July 16, 2009

talking with Jenn
going to lunch with the team at the Puffy Muffin
dinner at Jennifer's

July 15, 2009

getting an e-mail from Jenn
feeling like I'm really catching on to how things run at work
evening thunder

July 14, 2009

a fun day at work, especially the design meeting
getting a good laugh at a Sunday school activity suggestion (Take this coloring book into the corner.)
a nice, sunny day

July 13, 2009

The Lord providing possible place to live, new friends
being pretty productive at work
seeing a hilarious David Crowder Band video about Twitter (http://twurl.nl/4xqc88)

July 12, 2009

getting baptized
teaching my dad about Twitter, haha
chillin' with Simba and reading Redeeming Love

July 11, 2009

finding a place to possibly live Sept. - Nov.
rainy day
Christ Jesus, my treasure

July 10, 2009

getting a $10 gift card from my State Farm insurance agent
being reminded of the gospel through Lecrae lyrics
catching up on some sleep

July 9, 2009

a (mostly) fun day at the office
Nashville Sounds game with Micah and Jennifer
Jars of Clay concert

July 8, 2009

meeting Ed Stetzer and Thom Rainer. -- Dr. Rainer said, "Hey, aren't you a triplet?" Glad the big guys know me.
finding out the time-line on a full-time position: looking at September 1
saving more than $5 at Kroger with my shopper's card

July 7, 2009

getting an encouraging e-mail from my boss telling me I am doing a good job
feeling a little less stressed about housing/jobs
knowing that the future isn't totally dependent on my abilities -- I serve a sovereign God!

July 6, 2009

getting mail from Clarissa!
being back at work
Gheghis Grill with Abe and Jessica -- my stir fry was so good and I got points for a free bowl!

July 5, 2009

text from Ann
quick service at MCI; time in Proverbs on the plane
arriving back in Nashville

July 4, 2009

hanging out with family
celebrating my grandma's 75th birthday
seeing Keira and Jamie

July 3, 2009

seeing Marley for the first time in more than a month
talking to Erica about the steps in buying your first house
getting some free stuff that Erica and JR had two of

July 2, 2009

lunch with Jenn and Ann
seeing Erica's new place
time in the car to get some reading done

July 1, 2009

Jenn's delicious blueberry pancakes
walking around Loose Park and seeing the ducks
making dinner with Jenn

June 30, 2009

spending the day with Jenn :)
intentional conversation at Pizza Bella (and free pizza)
being loved

June 29, 2009

going out to lunch with Andrea, Jeff, Trudy, Jessica, Bill, and Jackie.
talking to Kristin on the phone and setting up a lunch date
seeing Kennan after work before she goes back home for good

June 28, 2009

being welcomed at First Baptist Nashville
going to the Nashville Sounds baseball game with four other girls
listening to Shai Linne and Lecrae with Kennan on our drive home

June 27, 2009

seeing Nashville with Kennan
nice workers at the TN State History Museum
writing postcards to send to friends

June 26, 2009

interviewing Leeland Mooring
writing Brandon Heath article
being one work day away from flying to KC

June 25, 2009

interviewing Brandon Heath
getting a lot done at work
buying 12 fudgsicles for only $1.88 (fat free, too!)
talking to Ann on the phone

June 24, 2009

e-mail from Jenn
talking with Pastor Tom and hanging out at the church for a few hours
seeing the VBS kids do their Boomerang Express songs
meeting a lot of new people

June 23, 2009

getting Nashville Sounds baseball tickets
driving by a house and liking it; now for a crash course in what's next
getting an e-mail from a couple people from First Baptist saying they want to go to coffee or lunch w/ me

June 22, 2009

a really good PB&J for lunch
serving a happy God
falling asleep early to the rain

June 21, 2009

first time at First Baptist Nashville - everyone was so nice
going out to lunch with a couple of women
Happy Father's Day! having a great dad
getting a welcome package from FBN; including an issue of Christian Single (really cool and it's created by LifeWay)

June 20, 2009

kayaking with 4 friends
getting ice cream afterward
having fun looking at houses for sale

June 19, 2009

This morning I got behind a car from Michigan on the interstate. There were some little kids in the back. Traffic was slowing to a crawl and I was focusing on not rear-ending them. Suddenly, this little Ernie (from Sesame Street) head pops out the window and is looking back at me. I laugh. This little boy pops his head up and shakes the Ernie. Then he waves at me. I wave back and take my exit. What a fun way to start my day.
The executive pastor from First Baptist of Nashville calling me and being willing to meet up with me on Sunday and get me to the single adults Bible study group. Also, I think we'll talk about me becoming a Baptist. :)
reading Piper's Desiring God. Finding happiness in God -- not from God, but in God.
Abe telling me they might reduce my rent because I'm so low-maintenance.

June 18, 2009

lemon poppyseed muffins
taking a 2-hr. nap
message from Lindsey

June 17, 2009

getting good news about my future
finding out I get to interview Brandon Heath!
treasuring Christ

June 16, 2009

listening to "Don't Waste Your Life" on the way to work
Nala and Simba being cuddly while we watched The Office
reading through the Psalms
e-mail update from Clarissa

June 15, 2009

my application to Thomas Nelson making it through HR - now on to the dept. hiring manager
reading Scripture for work
going to dinner with Jessica -- to this place called Genghis Grill where you pick your own stuff for stir fry; reminded me of Willy Wok at K-State

June 14, 2009

the old man at Long Hollow: "Well there's a pretty one if I've ever seen one. Hi, my name is Sam."
singing "In Christ Alone" at church
planning a LifeWay intern canoe trip
Jenn calling

June 13, 2009

sleeping in
finding some full-time editorial positions and applying
reading John Piper at Utopia Coffeehouse in Spring Hill

June 12, 2009

making minestrone soup and cheddar garlic biscuits for dinner
talking to Ann
desiringGod
time in Centennial Park

June 11, 2009

meeting the heads of LifeWay's publishing division (in a way, making connections)
getting airplane tickets to fly home at the end of the month
having fun chatting with Jessica & Abe

June 10, 2009

meeting John Waller at LifeWay chapel service
going out to lunch at SATCO with the 20s in the department
finding out I get to interview Leeland!

June 9, 2009

Sweet Hannah texting me this morning the same phrase that has been stuck in my head: "Jesus loves you."
Being on my own at work and getting a lot done!
God's mercy, and being able to love people in view of it

June 8, 2009

starting a John Piper book - 50 Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die
being given more responsibilities at work
encouragement from Jenn & Clarissa

June 7, 2009

Jessica making pancakes for breakfast
attending church at Long Hollow Baptist
getting a text from Shannon

June 6, 2009

eating cookies 'n' cream ice cream with Jessica before 11am
sleeping in!
feeling at peace when I woke up; after falling asleep listening to a John Piper sermon
video conferencing with Dad & Karen

June 5, 2009

spending the day looking stuff up in the Bible
Andrea putting in a good word for me with the bosses
Ann being thoughtful and calling me on my way to work

June 4, 2009

friendly conversations on elevators with strangers
reading the Psalms
not-too-hot weather, light rain
a sovereign, merciful Creator

June 3, 2009

learning how to use Adobe InCopy -- and catching on quickly!
department party - hanging out with other people under age 30
applying for a second job

June 2, 2009

finding an error while editing a final copy of a magazine (editing is like a game)
having an office next to Andrea who is really cool and tells me what work to do
Psalms in the morning

June 1, 2009

awesome LifeWay intern orientation
really nice guy selling me auto & renter's insurance
talking to Jenn

May 31, 2009

meeting people at church
Jessica telling me, "Extroverts are overrated" haha
getting the chance to sit down and write

May 30, 2009

getting a bed
Simba hanging out with me
talking to Jenn

May 29, 2009

moving into an apartment in Madison, TN
Erica and JR visiting
chai tea at bedtime

May 28, 2009

reading the Psalms
encouragement from Ann
finding a cute apartment and hoping I can stay there

May 27, 2009

making it to Nashville safely
texting w/ Jenn
meeting and staying with an awesome couple in Franklin

May 26, 2009

reading Job
making connections with KSU alumni
getting a call from Jenn

May 25, 2009

finishing a book
getting some housing leads in Nashville
the person and finished work of Jesus
sufficient grace

May 24, 2009

a God who is faithful
friends who are encouraging
Truth and hope and love

May 23, 2009

Erica graduates from SBU
lunch with all the relatives
time to read in the car

May 22, 2009

getting to sleep in at Jenn's
morning time in the Word
feeling loved

May 21, 2009

seeing Jenn
seeing Lindsey
finishing packing

May 20, 2009

lunch with Keira
going to the Zone/Station 3.16
eating a Buster Bar for the first time

May 19, 2009

hanging out with Marley
the person and propositions of Jesus
warm air and sunshine

May 18, 2009

strawberry-banana-lemon smoothie
beautiful day outside
officially owning my car

May 17, 2009

Mom grilling cheeseburgers for lunch
seeing Jamie and Kierston
taking a nap

May 16, 2009

graduating from K-State
adopting a kitten for Mom
ice cream cake

May 15, 2009

hanging out with Geoff
going to Radina's for the last time
chillin' with the roomies

May 14, 2009

being finished with college!
hanging out with Ann & Meredith
Stephanie coming over and making dinner with me

May 13, 2009

picking more strawberries
getting mail
seeing Shannon
talking to Jenn

May 12, 2009

using our fresh garden strawberries to make a smoothie
getting a B+ on my ENGL660 (Charles Dickens) final paper
sweet Ann always making sure I'm taken care of
e-mail from Jenn
finding out the B-stud I want to join in Nashville is just starting the book of Matthew

May 11, 2009

fresh strawberries in our garden
seeing Megan and Stephanie at Radina's
sending mail to Lindsey

May 10, 2009

Mom's French toast for breakfast
being home on Mother's Day
watching Slumdog Millionaire with Geoff

May 9, 2009

Geoff comes home and takes me for a ride on his motorcycle
my big, comfy bed and still feeling loved from yesterday
quality hug in the morning

May 8, 2009

seeing Stac for the first time in months
seeing Jenn, Allison, and Lindsey
walking around the Plaza with Jenn
feeling incredibly loved

May 7, 2009

going to Radina's between classes
finishing Why We're Not Emergent
being encouraged by Shannon's e-mail
being done with classes FOREVER!
whole wheat pancakes with nuts

May 6, 2009

buying flowers for two special people
sitting on the sun on the front porch reading all afternoon
celebrating Ann's birthday

May 5, 2009

going to Tuesday classes for the last time ever
hanging out in the front room and reading
getting a call from Ann; Drew & Megan coming over
Drew bringing me Reisen's

May 4, 2009

walking to the post office and then to Radina's to do homework
finishing Our Mutual Friend! 797 pages in three weeks!
seeing Megan twice today. She said she doesn't know how to handle me, haha

May 3, 2009

going on a walk with Alecia, Jessi, and Stephanie
going to bed before 10pm
playing sax

May 2, 2009

really good mtg/convo with S. Beck
three hours with B. Brown: smoothies, cheesy biscuits, church
finishing the memorization of James -- it takes me almost 15 min to recite!
people hanging out at our house (the ATM)

May 1, 2009

chai latte at Radina's in the AM
reading some Proverbs, Psalms
having a chilled, laid-back day

April 30, 2009

chilling in Radina's and reading a book not for class
getting out of my 9:30 and 11:30 classes really early
turning in my three essays due today and basically being done with school

April 29, 2009

Melanie cutting my hair
finishing ENGL382 paper
taking my car in for an oil change and hearing it's in pretty good shape overall

April 28, 2009

getting a text from Clarissa that made my heart happy
creating a new recipe
finishing a journal
watching That Thing You Do with Matt & Tim

April 27, 2009

being pretty productive
knowing God more
confirming a Nashville move-in date: May 22

April 26, 2009

going to Lincoln Berean Church
lunch with Clarissa + her friends
spring thunderstorms

April 25, 2009

seeing Clarissa! :)
eating chicken enchiladas with Clarissa
making chocolateawesomechip cookies
getting a tour of Lincoln, NE

April 24, 2009

getting books in the mail
They Only Come Out at Night -- huge success!
the chance to read my writing in front of 50+ people

April 23, 2009

being friends with Jenn
being friends with Ann
walking two miles

April 22, 2009

fresh-cut grass, sunshine, gentle breezes
cracking a double-yolked egg (first time in my life)
seeing Shannon at Radina's

April 21, 2009

riding my bike with an almost-normal heart rate
having only five more days of classes left
Our Mutual Friend takes a plot-turn. Intriguing.

April 20, 2009

warm afternoon with windows/doors open
spending a couple of hours at Radina's with Shannon
getting my reading done for my Dickens class! (so we better have a quiz over it!) ;)

April 19, 2009

getting some homework done
much-needed sleep
sufficient hydration

April 18, 2009

waking up and realizing it's Saturday! :)
as always, hearing Alecia play music
surprise visit from Ann
going on a walk and seeing a huge snail on a sidewalk

April 17, 2009

the lady who rang up my groceries was very nice
changing my windshield wiper blades by myself. i will finally be able to see in the rain
playing frisbee with Drew (even though we had to climb the neighbor's fence three times)

April 16, 2009

not having my 11:30 class
getting an appt. to hear heart results
people hanging out at the ATM

April 15, 2009

riding my bike
getting books in the mail
first time wearing shorts since probably September

April 14, 2009

warm sunshine
finishing inkWELL book formatting/design after 10+ hrs of working on it in one day
socialism... that's not the right word; being social. hanging out with people.

April 13, 2009

playing the alto sax
fun with Picnik (premium!)
understanding Jesus more through the medium of hip-hop

April 12, 2009

text from Hannah (Vermont)
celebrating that Jesus is alive!
Matt giving me good advice about picking my battles

April 11, 2009

making *braided* cheesy biscuits
sitting on the porch in the sun drinking iced tea
watching Marley & Me

April 10, 2009

breakfast with Keira and Erica
downing a pitcher of iced tea (Erica helped)
sun coming out!

April 9, 2009

postcard from Jess
really fast medical care
movie with Erica, Tim, Matt, and Anne

April 8, 2009

having basically no homework
sunshine + nap on the couch
evening 2-mi. walk to Radina's and back.

April 7, 2009

almost peeling my orange in one piece (I ripped off a couple of pieces to get it started, but 5/6 of that peel was intact)
little girl holding a bubble wand out her car window: bubbles down Manhattan Ave. made me smile
cute dog crossing the street
really nice people while donating blood. And no waiting! And good iron!

April 6, 2009

my mom getting me dental and eye appts. on the same day -- she even offered to call herself. Which is great because I don't like calling to make appts.
getting a grasp on what exactly is the Reformed Church
some progress on my paper
NCAA championship. I don't care who wins, I just love basketball.
Getting to talk to Jenn :)

April 5, 2009

workout
getting some homework done
resting

April 4, 2009

Getting my hardboiled integrity books in the mail - they look awesome!
sleeping in until 9am (a record)
going to Topeka to see Jason Waller play at a coffeeshop
falling in love over and over again
Getting to talk with Lindsey

April 3, 2009

God's faithfulness! Jenn gets to keep her job :)
2-mile walk x 2 ... 4 miles. Beautiful weather
clean room

April 2, 2009

having only 10 days of classes left
finishing an abstract and possibly finding housing for Nashville
sweet text from Ann
finding a house in Nashville!!!

April 1, 2009

celebrating Anne's birthday after Radina's music night
finding a hub cap on my walk home
56-degrees and sweet Jesus time

March 31, 2009

rocking out to some shai linne on my walks to and from campus
spending some time at Radina's after classes were over
falling in love over and over again

March 30, 2009

65-degree weather + sunshine
The Lord's sovereignty over all things
finishing Breaking Free by Beth Moore

March 29, 2009

seeing Jenn in KC + Redeemer Fellowship + lunch on the Plaza
seeing Lacie for the first time in seven months
the Love Hub doing what it does best: loving
Christ crucified

March 28, 2009

making the boys happy with cheesy biscuits
new original recipe: stovetop lasagna
finding out that Drew has an alto sax he's willing to get rid off

March 27, 2009

chai latte at Java
finishing Nutrition Analysis project
college basketball
God's unfailing love for me far exceeding anything and anyone who makes me feel unloved
peace like a river: raging peace

March 26, 2009

Guest speaker in Dickens class. Supposed to talk for 20 minutes, but he talked for 65 -- no time for discussion! Woo!
surprisingly warmer weather (sunny, low '50s; was expecting 30s and snow/rain)
walking 4 miles
reading 2 Samuel 1-11

March 25, 2009

ordering and paying for a small hot chocolate and getting a medium :)
Drew getting my watch off military time
seeing B. Brown
ice. cream. cake.
my friend Clarissa

March 24, 2009

very good news -- I'm moving to Nashville
really good conversation with Matthew
Beth Moore points out amazing scripture in her book Breaking Free
talking to Jenn

March 23, 2009

cotton socks
thunderstorms!
seeing friends at Radina's

March 22, 2009

living in a house
friends who point me to Jesus
a loving God who never lets go

March 21, 2009

spending time with Jamie after not seeing her for ten months
phone call from Jenn
really great nap

March 20, 2009

seeing the Gateway Arch
watching the Cornell game
surviving an 11-hour, 675-mile drive solo

March 19, 2009

LifeWay interview
March Madness tournament
friendly guy at the post office

March 18, 2009

nice drive to Nashville
30 mpg
God's peace

March 17, 2009

going to Bolivar
chocolate covered raisins
working out

March 16, 2009

72°F
text from Shannon
Jinx (cat)

March 15, 2009

wearing a skirt (warm weather)
getting a refresher on car maintenance. changed a tire in a skirt!
Selection Sunday
full-strength bleaching my white TOMS and successfully removing the yellow spots

March 14, 2009

seeing Matt and Rob before I left for home
having a clean (very clean) car
designing my TOMS shoes (restyling my white ones)

March 13, 2009

Sleeping in
2-mile walk
another good hair day

March 12, 2009

Getting my federal tax refund - enough to pay for my Nashville trip
Hearing Alecia's new song
Jen Johnson remembering who I am

March 11, 2009

destroying my Basic Nutrition exam
having a good hair day
voicemail from Jenn

March 10, 2009

Nice morning mile to campus
Being done with an essay and midterm
Nap under electric blanket

March 9, 2009

Two miles before 7:30am, 4 miles overall
Postcard from Jess
Buying a business suit for Nashville trip

March 8, 2009

Sleeping in
Oatmeal for lunch
Progress on ENGL660 essay

March 7, 2009

UCC sermon on Holy Spirit
Dinner party
Thunderstorm

March 6, 2009

walking 9 miles
hearing that Cornell won = going to the NCAA tourney
light rain
feeling inspired to write

March 5, 2009

walking to campus at 8:30am in 56 degree weather
watching two little sparrows snuggle/bathe in a puddle on the sidewalk
finishing David Copperfield discussion in class
destroying my Irish Poetry test
getting out of American Survey class early
rocking out to "Forget December" on the walk home
riding my bike to the Rec
playing intramural basketball
riding my bike home from the rec in the dark
being in the mood to read
80 degree weather
being done with classes until Tuesday
(I would enjoy a little more social interaction, but today was a good day)

March 4, 2009

Open doors and windows
Studying enough Contemporary Irish Poetry to feel confident I will ace the test tomorrow
getting my CHI straightener

March 3, 2009

Getting an A on my poetry explication
Getting my abstract revision back: "excellent revisions!" (I think that means "A")
text from Clarissa

March 2, 2009

Finishing David Copperfield
Strawberry smoothie
My God's sufficient grace

March 1, 2009

Baking: snickerdoodles, banana bread, porkchops
Sleeping in
Sabbath

February 28, 2009

Jenn being here
INKwell
having a space heater

February 27, 2009

Garmin navigating me to/through Wichita
Seeing family, remembering Grandma
Bringing home a working 1950s typewriter
Jenn visiting!: dinner, Radina's, seat warmers :) , movie, sharing life

February 26, 2009

Light rain
Mail from the Love Hub
Time with Jesus
50% off floral pieces at Hobby Lobby (just the week I happened to want fake flowers)
Call from Shannon

February 25, 2009

Absolutely beautiful weather: open doors and windows, reading on the porch
Cleaning and rearranging my room
Radina's Music Night: Alecia's awesome music, time with Ann and Monica, reviewing James 1-3, friends, free chai, finally writing something

February 24, 2009

Sleeping in
Getting dressed up to go out to dinner with the boys
feeling beautiful

February 23, 2009

the privilege of knowing my sweet grandma for 21 years
Having our Dickens reading assignment reduced by about 40 pages
Excitement about going out to dinner tomorrow with the guys
Finding a CHI straightener for half price

February 22, 2009

Ann's kind heart
God's sufficient grace
Acetaminophen

February 21, 2009

Sunshine
Sleep
Talking to Jenn

February 20, 2009

Jeremy Camp's Give Me Jesus
Melanie cutting my hair
Warm weather makes a weekend visit
Gerber daisies from Jessi

February 19, 2009

Getting out of Irish Poetry class early
Winning basketball game (by forfeit, which is great because I didn't feel like playing)
Chill time with the housemates

February 18, 2009

Best. smoothie. ever. : strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, banana, strawberry yogurt
Destroying my article abstract revision. I'm feeling an A on this one.
Cooking! Trying new things, mixing it up.
Applying for eight more jobs.

February 17, 2009

Sunshine and walking
Being very productive and still making time to read a not-for-classes book
Hanging out in the kitchen with Matthew and Tim

February 16, 2009

Being offered an interview for an internship with LifeWay
Sweet fellowship and discussion with B-stud girls
Tomato soup. Mint chocolate chip ice cream. Irish poetry.

February 15, 2009

Running the court
Beautiful sunset
Chris Tomlin's "I Will Rise"

February 14, 2009

Cornell beats Dartmouth in double overtime
Quiet
Watching KU v. KSU game

February 13, 2009

Ice cream with Keira
Compassionate friends
God's grace

February 12, 2009

Getting voicemail from Shoff, then getting to talk to her
Spending time with friends: Ann's fabulous pancakes and mint chocolate chip ice cream
Turning 21

February 11, 2009

Baskin Robbins' Birthday Club: free single scoop mint chocolate chip
Buying a dress -- I'm excited to wear it
Radina's music night

February 10, 2009

Getting my scholarship check
Figuring out how to fix my bike brakes
Making progress in David Copperfield

February 9, 2009

97-cent large diet cherry limeade
Matthew buying me chocolates and a dinosaur sandwich box to take my lunch to campus
Shake-and-bake pork chops

February 8, 2009

Finally finishing/submitting my Hallmark application
Getting my state taxes done
Playing basketball

February 7, 2009

Being able to see my Grandma Richwine
Mom buying me a double dip mint chocolate chip waffle cone at Braum's for my upcoming birthday
Making dinner and watching Cornell beat Penn

February 6, 2009

Getting my federal taxes done (aka signing them because Dad did them), oil changed, and car washed
Mint chocolate milkshake
Shopping with birthday money

February 5, 2009

Seeing Ann on campus and finding Keira in the library and eating lunch with her ... in the library.
Warm weather! My walks to and from campus were delightful.
Winning co-ed intramural basketball game by 2

February 4, 2009

Finding someone who wants to go with me on a train to St. Louis!
Wearing my hair down
Radina's music night

February 3, 2009

Reading Breaking Free by Beth Moore
Getting an e-mail from Shoff
Relaxing after a long day of classes: watching a movie with Tim

February 2, 2009

Talking to Kristin. (Enough joy in this to cover the entire month)
Making pasta for dinner (without using a recipe)
Spending time with B-stud girls

February 1, 2009

Going to the WELL
Napping
TVL Shooters winning intramural basketball over Clovia 40-12

January 31, 2009

inkWELL -- getting to spend an hour and a half with really awesome people
very warm weather -- walking everywhere and sitting in the sun, windows open
dinner party -- 15 people over for Henry's white fire chili and my cheesy biscuits
Listening to Alecia sing/guitar. She's so great. This will always make my day.

January 30, 2009

Mucho progress on Hallmark application
Strawberry smoothies for lunch with B. Brown
Getting a postcard from Jess

January 29, 2009

Warmer weather, walking, and music
Seeing Amanda at Hale Library
Matthew made chimichangas for dinner, a first for me, and I liked it.

January 28, 2009

Going over Touchstone editing with editor-in-chief
Free chai latte at Radina's
Writing at Radina's

January 27, 2009

Still being able to park on campus in "D" lots
Finished editing Touchstone
Feeling confident about Dickens quiz

January 26, 2009

Being quite productive
Staying warm inside
The LA crew arrives home safely

January 25, 2009

Seeing Chicago for the first time in my life
Driving back from KC -- good tunes
Long nap

January 24, 2009

Spending night at Doubletree: free warm cookies and super comfortable beds!
Cornell beats Columbia; Geoff dunks
Dinner with the fam. at Applebee's

January 23, 2009

Airplane trip: to Cincinatti then to Syracuse
Seeing Geoff and Lola
Staying in Ithaca

January 22, 2009

Near 60-degree weather
Driving to KC airport
Shrimp and cheesy biscuits at Red Lobster w/ Dad & Karen

January 21, 2009

Incredibly beautiful weather
Strawberry smoothie
Decorating a [surprise] box to be mailed

January 20, 2009

Watching Obama's inauguration with Reiko at Hale Library
Reading 100 pages of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Movie night with Matthew, Tim, and Henry: Shakespeare in Love

January 19, 2009

Radina's with Reiko
Being warm on the couch reading w/ Stephanie & taking a nap
Music project coming along well

January 18, 2009

S'mores over the fire pit
Lots of reading done at Radina's
Watching Milo and Otis

January 17, 2009

INKwell meets at Radina's: full punch card
Weather: mid-50s
Dinner with Alecia, Matthew, Tim, Layne, and Henry

January 16, 2009

The LORD opens many doors
Loving friends
Alecia playing guitar
Finishing a book

January 15, 2009

Navs w/ Shannon
Text from Jenn
Seeing Ann and Meredith

January 14, 2009

A.M. Workout at the Rec; officially on an intramural basketball team
Sarah Beck stopped by; text from B. Brown
Made zucchini bread

January 13, 2009

Tea at breakfast - a nice soother to my angry tummy
Nap. On the couch under two blankets. Mmm.
Radina's. A nice quiet time to collect my thoughts

January 12, 2009

A.M. Workout at the Rec
Making chocolate chip cookies
Hanging out with Ann, Ethan, Tim, Matthew, Drew, and Henry (dinner then Applebees)

January 11, 2009

Hearing Alecia sing and play her guitar in the morning
Experiencing the WELL for the first time
Warm weather: trip to the Konza

January 10, 2009

Finished Oliver Twist while at Panera
felt inspired enough to write on my blog
InkWELL pizza night. Magnetic poetry with Stephanie

January 9, 2009

Visited Jenn, Lindsey, and Allison
fixed Jenn's computer (I was so happy it worked)
text from Clarissa

January 8, 2009

Cleaned Erica's apartment
Went to the park and fed the ducks (kind of scary! They must have been really hungry)
Watched Law & Order

January 7, 2009

Started walking to Radina's and I liked how walking felt, so I kept walking. A little over three miles.
Another good workout
SBU plays at Washburn and I go to see Erica

January 6, 2009

Worked out
Walked to Hale to pick up two books for class
Got my prayer wall up in my room

January 5, 2009

Radina's. My first time back since mid-December.
Playing basketball at the Rec.
Making minestrone soup and cheesy biscuits.

January 4, 2009

staying under my grocery budget (thanks to a giftcard)
Enjoying reading Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
Geoff gets me a free Cornell T-shirt and saves me $20

January 3, 2009

Jenn makes pancakes for me and Lindsey. I'm amazed at her pancake-making skills.
Jess sends me a text. She's in Kentucky!
I get gas for $1.559 and got 26.7mpg on my Junction City to KC and back trip.
The InkWELL plays telephone pictionary.

January 2, 2009

I ride my bike to the ATM from campus. The weather is wonderful -- warm and sunny!
I get to take Shoff to KC as she is heading back to Philly
In KC, Jenn lets me sleep on her couch.

January 1, 2009

I found out my grandma has a 1950s manual typewriter in her basement.
I get to see Shoff, as she is back from Philly
Jess, Ann, Alecia, Ethan, Tim, Henry, and I play Wits & Wagers (very fun!)

Snowman Humor

2009-01-01T08:36:00.003-06:00

Plan A

2008-12-31T15:14:00.006-06:00

Highlights from John Piper's message - The Suffering of Christ and the Sovereignty of God, from the book Suffering and the Sovereignty of God.

*The entire universe exists to display the greatness of the glory of God.

*The glory of God shines most brightly, most fully, most beautifully in the manifestation of the glory of his grace.

*The death of Christ in supreme suffering is the highest, clearest, surest display of the glory of the grace of God.

*The ultimate reason that suffering exists in the universe is so that Christ might display the greatness of the glory of the grace off God by suffering in himself to overcome our suffering.

*The suffering of Jesus was not an afterthought, as though the work of creation did not go the way God planned.

2 Timothy 1:9

"[God] saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us [that is, he gave us this grace] in Christ Jesus before the ages began."

Ephesians 1:4-6

"[God] chose us in him [that is, in Christ] before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of the glory of his grace."

2002 Tunes: Revisited

2008-12-28T19:43:00.007-06:00

One of my (well, my only, really) major Christmas-break projects has been cataloging my media collection. This means making a list in Excel of all the songs, movies, podcasts, TV episodes, pictures, hard drive back-ups, etc. I have stored on CDs and my computer. To aid this process my mom and brother got me two 8 GB SD cards, and my grandpa and grandma gave me a CD case that holds 332 CDs. I've made considerable progress in the cataloging process, but I don't anticipate finishing completely (finishing cataloging and moving as many songs as possible onto the SD cards while avoiding repeats). In doing this little project, I've run across a plethora of old mixes from my high school years. I threw in a mix one of my coolest (okay, my coolest) friend made for me in 2002. Most people probably wouldn't guess I'd listen to these songs, but I really like it, maybe for what I remember of 2002. I bring you the artist, title, and some of my favorite lyrics:

Lis . . . [listen to my playlist here, see embedded. you might need to log in (for free)]

Lis...

1. Everything by Stereo Fuse

I’d give you my love and this heart made of stone
The sun the moon the earth the sky The motorcycle that I like to ride

Giving up your motorcycle? That's pretty serious commitment.

2. Poetic Tragedy by The Used

He gave heed to nothing, and all that he was....
Is just a tragedy

Okay, this can be categorized as "screamo." And if you look at the lyrics, the kid kills himself in the end. Hmm. I like the title, though.

3. Taste of Ink by The Used

In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old

Again, The Used. This one's not so depressing though. I dig the word choice. And the beginning is very...abrupt.

4. Drawing Board by Mest

I spent days and nights in my bedroom
Trying to write the perfect song to sing to you

I think all guys should try to write songs to their girls, even if they aren't good at it.

5. Homecoming by As Advertised

The caffeine's set in and the stars have all gone dim.
I know if I cry, it will be from all this joy.

All the lyrics from this song sound good. But these two lines are especially good. I think i could hope for a night like this, under the stars with people I like.

6. Cigarette by Yellowcard

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette,
Just a few drags to go.

The first two lines in the song. Days have a tendency to flicker out like that. I enjoy it when people find the right words. I was reading a book by Donald Miller and he described the sun coming down the wall of the Grand Canyon. He said it came down like syrup. Ah, that's just beautiful language.

7. Head on Collision by New Found Glory

And it feels like I'm at an all-time low
Slightly bruised and broken
From our head on collision

I like the guitar in this song. It's simple, but it gets me.

8. Headstrong by Trapt

Conclusions manifest, your first impression's
Got to be your very best

Not my favorite song, but kudos to Trapt for using the word "manifest" so poetically.

9. 3 Libras by A Perfect Circle

Here i am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded

I'm not sure there's a whole lot about this song I like except for the way it sounds... and maybe this line.

10. Baby, I'm an Anarchist by Against Me!

'Cause baby, I'm an anarchist,
You're a spineless liberal.
We marched together for the eight-hour day
And held hands in the streets of Seattle,
But when it came time to throw bricks
Through that Starbucks window,
You left me all alone.

Do I need to say much? Ha, this song makes me laugh. Even more so because I'm imagining this could be based on a true relationship. And much angst results.

11. No Rain by Blind Melon

Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made

The sound of this song is so fun. I remember driving somewhere with my friend and she said, 'This song just makes me want to snap my fingers!' Agreed.

12. Umbrella by Dog's Eye View

I've been falling like the rain,
but you've got your umbrella in my way.

The lyrics sound like someone's having a troubled relationship. It's really smooth. I like that.

13. Bring Me to Life by Evanescence

Frozen inside without the touch of your love
Darling only you are the light among the dead

I like that this song could easily be addressed to God. Funny that we're constantly searching in other people for the things which only God can give.

14. High by Feeder

I'm going out for awhile
So I can get high with my friends

There are plenty of other lines I like about this song, but how can you ignore the chorus? Even if it's not pretty, I like it when people are very blunt and straight-forward. And I really like the guitar.

15. Say it Ain't So by Weezer

Try and be cool, when I say:
This way is-a-waterslide-away-from-you-that-takes-you-futher-everyday!
Be cool.

I'm not sure I understand the meaning behind most of this song, but these lines are winners.

16. Hang by Matchbox Twenty

And we always say, it would be good to go away someday

I'm just a fan of Matchbox Twenty. Rob Thomas has a pleasing voice. And even though I might not always be saying it, I think it would be good to go away someday.

17. Frail by Finch

Lost to find, and a soul to keep
cause you love me...

Not really sure what this song is about, but it could be about Jesus. Based on this group's other songs, I kind of doubt that's what they were going for.

18. Overcome by Live

So drive me out, yeah
Out to that open field
Turn the ignition off
And spin around

Sounds like an appropriate soundtrack for drowning, but in a way, it's about release and freedom. I like that.

19. Just Until Sundown by Further Seems Forever

Spent too many hours holding up walls
standing in corners and clenching my jaw
watching you watching the ones that I wanted to be.

A sad song about a guy who wasted his life being a wallflower. Some cool word order there, though.

you can't go wrong with little chinese fox.

What's Up Here

2008-12-24T10:47:00.004-06:00

1. I can't find my phone charger, so if you try to call, my phone is probably dead.
2. Erica and Geoff are home, the first time we've all been here since last Christmas. We missed each other this summer by one day.
3. Erica brought home the electronic banking version of Monopoly. This is my new favorite game.
4. Last night, Erica and I beat the math game of our childhood: Treasure Math Storm.

More later.

Erica, Geoff, and Me

Community: A Spiritual not a Human Reality

2008-12-21T21:40:00.005-06:00

A few notes from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together.

Community: A Spiritual not a Human Reality
Christian community is different from all other communities.

-Spiritual: that which is created only by the Holy Spirit
-Psychic (human): that which comes from the natural urges, powers, and capacities of the human spirit.

Spiritual Reality v. Human Reality

Spiritual Reality
*basis: the clear, manifest Word of God in Jesus Christ
*basis of community: truth
*essence of community: light (Jn. 1:5,7)
*community: fellowship of those who are called by Christ
*burns with bright love of brotherly service (agape)
*ordered, brotherly service
*humble subjection to the brethren
*Word of God alone rules
*Word alone is binding
*all honor, power, and dominion are surrendered to the Holy Spirit
*Spirit governs
*naive, unpsychological, unmethodical, helping love is extended toward one's brother
*service of one's brother is simple and humble
*there is never, nor in any way, any "immediate" relationship of one to another
*spiritual love is directed to the other person for Christ's sake

Human Reality
*basis: the dark, turbid urges and desires of the human mind
*basis of community: desire
*essence of community: darkness (Mk. 7:21)
*community: fellowship of devout souls
*glows by dark love of good and evil desire (eros)
*disordered desire for pleasure
*humble yet haughty subjection of a brother to one's own desire
*along with the Word, the man rules who is furnished with exceptional powers, experience, and magical, suggestive capacities
*word binds; so do men bind to one another
*spheres of power and influence are sought and cultivated
*psychological techniques and methods govern
*psychological analysis and construction is extended toward one's brother
*service of one's brother consists of a searching, calculating analysis of a stranger
*expresses a profound, elemental, human desire for community, for immediate contact with other souls, just as in the flesh there is the urge for physical merger with other flesh
*human love is directed to the other person for his own sake

Christmas at Home

2008-12-18T18:24:00.006-06:00

So contrary to what I remember from last year's month at home over break, I'm trying to be more productive this year (and definitely not staying home the whole month!). Here's what I've done in the last 24 hours (a good start):

1. Made chai and frothed my own milk (for the first time)
2. Wrapped all my presents
3. Put up the Christmas tree
4. Decorated the tree and the house for Christmas
5. Made a cake
6. Decorated the cake
7. Made a snow bunny
8. Helped someone burn a slideshow onto a DVD (this took 1.5 hrs)
9. Read a chapter in a book
10. Read Genesis 22

I'm recovering from a cold. Here are some pictures of my day.

I wrapped my presents then Jinx sat on them:

The tree (I couldn't get the lights to all light up... seriously)

The cake

The bunny

The bunny died. Sad day.

All the Good that is Ours in Christ

2008-12-15T16:15:00.007-06:00

Notes from a sermon by Mark Talbot
Desiring God National Conference 2005 - Suffering and the Sovereignty of God

All the Good that is Ours in Christ - Mark Talbot

How does God's will relate to our wills when we hurt each other?

BTK Dennis Rader, unfaithful spouses, drunk drivers, sexual abuse, rape.

Why does God allows these kinds of things to happen? We are guilty of sin, but maybe God could have prevented our temptation.

Gregory A. Boyd's theory to all of this is open theism. Basically,
- takes God off the hook for the kinds of evil that we do
- claims God can't prevent evils without restricting or destroying our freedom
- claims God doesn't do that because he takes our freedom to be so valuable -- so valuable that he is willing to pay the price of there being all sorts of human suffering that is caused by our misuse of it.

It seems natural for us to think in this open theistic way because so often in our own lives we have to put up with what we don't like in order to leave other people their freedom. So "of course," we think, "it must be the same for God.

It isn't natural to think God makes mistakes. Boyd's thinking challenges God's glory and control.

Scripture's General Perspective on God's Relationship to Evil
-What are the issues we need to address in order to think biblically about this topic?
- What does Scripture say about God's relationship to evil?

Genesis 18:25 The judge of all the earth will always do what is right.
Deuteronomy 32:4 God never does evil.

This does not mean that God doesn't create, send, permit, or even move others to do evil.

Isaiah 45:7-11 God says he makes darkness and creates calamity (evil)
1 Samuel 16:14-23 God sent an evil spirit to King Solomon
Job God allows Satan to take all of Job's property and family

God doesn't want to be "let off the hook." He ordains any evil that is done.

Amos 3:6 Does disaster or evil come to a city unless the Lord has done it?
Isaiah 14:24, 27 as I have planned, so shall it be.

Nothing but what He purposes happens.

God's relationship to evil
Divine sovereignty and human freedom
Open theists are libertarians (not in the political sense). They believe that a person acts freely only if, right before he acts, he could still have chosen to act otherwise.

For libertarians, you can't be held responsible for what you do if you aren't free in this libertarian sense. You can't be held to do what you ought to do unless you can do it. So for libertarians, having this freedom is absolutely necessary for God's holding us responsible for what we do. If we didn't have that freedom, it would be unfair for God to hold us responsible.

(Note: scripture tells us to love God with ... all your mind. Proverbs 2:4 tells us to seek wisdom as we would search for silver and gold. Job 28 gives us this image, describing miners going to the end of the earth and hanging upside down with little chisels working at the rock to find their treasure. God wants us to understand him (have wisdom) so that we may glorify Him.)

For libertarians, responsibility exists only with freedom. Libertarians: If God knows what I am going to choose to do, then what I am going to choose to do must be determined in some way. When the time comes, it may seem as though I am freely choosing as I do, when in fact that can't be. For Open Theists, even God can't know the future if humans are to be free and responsible.

What does Scripture say?
Human beings act freely and responsibily, even when it says or implies that God has predestined what will take place. (Acts 4:27-28) The believers are praying ... for truly in this city people gathered ... to do whatever your plan had predestined to take place. The people there chose to plot aginst Christ. They are being blamed for what they have chosen to do (held responsible even though God predestined it.

Peter (Acts 2:22-23) on Pentecost. Jesus, delievered up according to the plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless (wicked yet responsible) men.

God willed it and so it came about. Israelites heard this and felt remorse: What shall we do? Peter tells them, "Repent, and be baptized!"

During the Last Supper, Jesus says a disciple will betray him (Mt. 26:22-24). He says that it would have been better if his betrayer had not been born. This indicates that the man will be held responsible for his actions. Jn. 6:64 - Jesus knew from the beginning who would betray him, yet Jesus held him responsible.

God has ordained everything that happens in our world of space and time and yet human beings still act freely and responsibly. What this means for God's people is that God ordains even what is really evil for His children's good.

Genesis: Joseph's Story [Genesis 37]
In Genesis 45:8, Joseph recognizes God's hand in his troubles. God gets the credit for all the good coming out of evil events. God ordained his brothers' evil.
Genesis 50:19-20 - Do not fear. For am I in the place of God? You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about so that many people should be kept alive as they are today."

There are dual explanations for Joseph's being sold into slavery. Dual explanations show up elsewhere. Acts 27:34 God promises no one on board the ship will be harmed. Paul tells them to stay on board in order to avoid being harmed.
In Jonah 1:14-15, 2:3, it is the sailors who throw Jonah overboard, after which he is consequently swallowed by a large fish. In the fish, Jonah doesn't speak of the sailors. He tells God, "You cast me into the deep."

1 Thessalonians 1:4-6 - God chose us. In response to God's choosing us, we have a choice to make. We should choose to become imitators of Christ and receive the Word.

Let's look at Jesus' Crucifixion. Humans' evil intentions are paralleled with God's good intentions. God has ordained or willed or planned everything that happens in our world from before Creation. God is the primary agent, the primary cause, the final and ultimate explanation of everything that happens, yet the causal relationship between God and His creatures is such that his having for ordained everything is compatible with and indeed it takes nothing away from their creaturely power and efficacy...

How could Joseph's brothers acted freely and responsibly if what they did was what God had previously ordained? How can Herrod, Pilate, etc. be blamed for what God has predestined to take place? We cannot understand how a human act can be possibly explained by God having freely intended it without that explanation cancelling the freedom and responsibility of human intenders.

Yet, we can understand why we don't understand it.

- Our attempts to understand this involve our trying to understand the unique relationship between the Creator and his creatures in terms of our understanding some creature-to-creature relationship. Interesting word choice here: unique - nothing like it. (No such thing as "very unique." Either there is nothing like it or there's not.) Scripture revelas that both human agency and divine agency are to be fully affirmed without attempting to tell us how this can be, because we have no way to understand it, no matter what Scripture would say: all of our analogies concerning different agents or different kinds of agency must be drawn from what holds between and among creatures, and so we necessarily lack the conceptual wherewithal to plumb how God's foreordaining agency enables and yet governs our own free agency.

Psalm 139:4-6 Such foreknowledge is too wonderful for us, to lofty for us to attain.

God has complete providence over all. What should we be sure of beyond all doubt? Romans 8:28, We know that for those who love God, all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose. Sometimes this doesn't feel true when bad things happen to believers. We see suffering all throughout the Bible, especially in the Psalms.

All we can do in the end is affirm God's promises and wait. If we give ourselves to Him, he will bring us happiness. Our groaning are written in his book. They are always before His face.

Psalm 30:5 - For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions

2008-12-13T12:08:00.002-06:00

Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions

A few of the resolutions made by Jonathan Edwards, a Puritan theologian. His resolutions were written during 1722-1723. When he wrote the seventy resolutions, "he was completing his schooling and ministerial training and was anticipating setting out on his life's work. He took advantage off the opportunity to pause and reflect on the type of person he wanted to be and the way in which he wanted to live his life.

"In a manner that would come to typify his entire career, he took up his pen and, in the moments of quiet he could wrest fro a busy day, wrote the guidelines, the system of checks and balances he would use to chart out his life--his relationships, his conversations, his desires, his activities. In short, through these resolutions he offers himself his own advice." ---from Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions and Advice to Young Converts, Ed. Stephen J. Nichols.

Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God's help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ's sake.
. . .
8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and to let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God.

25. Resolved, to examine carefully and constantly what that one thing in me is that causes me in the least to doubt the love of God; and so direct all my forces against it.

43. Resolved, never henceforward till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but to act entirely and altogether as God's.

55. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to act as I can think I should do if I had already seen the happiness of heaven and the torment of hell.

60. Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when i am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination.

65. Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this all my life long, that is, with the greatest openness I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and everything, and every circumstance.

69. Resolved, always to do that which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it.

wreckless ambitions

2008-12-13T00:49:00.003-06:00

things I want to do someday.

a list in progress, to be edited and lengthened at a later date.

- for my 21st birthday (for it, not necessarily on it), to eat lettuce wraps at P.F. Chang's in KC. and I want to eat mint chocolate chip ice cream with my friend Kristin. That's all I want.
- visit Lincoln, NE
- See Boston.
- See Seattle.
- Watch college basketball at the Sprint Center.
- Go ice skating.
- bike across another state
- get a book published
- own a house
- get married
- get involved in a ministry
- be fluent in Spanish
- write a song
- get a kitten
- love people well
> love people and expect nothing in return
- give and expect nothing in return
- connect.
- cook dinner for 6 (or more)
- lead a Bible study
- go back to Jacksonville
- ride a train to Chicago (or at least St. Louis)
- learn sign language
- memorize all of James (2 chapters down!)
- learn to sew
- plant a garden (and take care of it)
- travel abroad

Introduction to Poetry Writing

2008-12-05T16:40:00.004-06:00

The semester is wrapping up... quite nicely, actually. Besides three finals in two weeks, I have relatively little to do (you know, besides study). So I'm relaxing, heading up to KC tomorrow to see Jenn (I'm excited), and slowly packing up my room to move off campus.

Today, I started (and finished) a big project. This semester I'm taking Introduction to Poetry writing (ENGL463) with Jonathan Holden. So every two weeks we turn in a poem and then critique our classmates' poems. So I have this stack now of over100 poems (108 actually, so far) that I thought I might recycle. But shoot, most of these are perfectly good pieces of poetry, so Wednesday I started the tedious process of getting them all into Microsoft Word.

And today, I made a webpage. (In "blog" format because it's easiest). So for your reading enjoyment, I bring you:

Introduction to Poetry Writing

A collection of poems from Jonathan Holden's Fall 2008 ENGL463 students. Enjoy.
(You better enjoy it, because I spent a lot of hours putting it together!) ;-)

transformed

2008-12-02T15:22:00.003-06:00

transformation: a growing awareness of God's holiness and a growing awareness of my sinfulness such that at every stage of my life, the cross is more beautiful to me; to cross is bigger to me; the work of Jesus is more staggering to me.

This is transformation: Every moment of every day looking to Jesus to be everything for me that I cannot be myself.

Gospel transformation: coming to terms with my own death and finding new life in Jesus.

The key to survival is going over and over the gospel message until it becomes the focal point of who I am.

Redeemer Fellowship - Kansas City

the silent storm inside my arms (revised)

2008-12-01T19:27:00.008-06:00

(revised version, for ENGL463)

the silent storm inside my arms

The lightning struck where thunder failed to give warning;
a harsh blow in springtime afternoons.
We are all left
with smoking trees
and towers
and TV antennas.

Where tall cliffs once stood straight and strong,
the rocks now rest in a crumbling pile.

The clouds stooped low and blinded out the sun,
so I embraced the tempest as it mutely raged.

Steaming geysers release hot streams over rolling hills;
cold rain falls on even the most beautiful of roses.
The distant quake erupts without a sound,
a shudder detectable only when you hold your breath
and feel the shifting in the gentle breeze.

The breaking heart is still the beating heart.
We'll pray on these tears for years,
and I'll hold tight
to the silent storm inside my arms.

the silent storm inside my arms

2008-11-30T19:56:00.006-06:00

the silent storm inside my arms (draft for ENGL463. still in progress.)

for a moment, break away
hot tears pour like steaming geysers,
rolling down heated hills without a sound.
cold rain falls on even the most beautiful of roses,
and distant thunder can shake steel foundations.
a subtle quake erupts across weary expanses:
the broken heart is still the beating heart.
sharp light breaks instantaneously
in the consuming shadows;
the tumult bears down, but when ascending,
just above the hanging clouds
the stars shine brightest.
the wind is mute against this raging tempest.
I'll pray on these tears while holding tight
to the silent storm inside my arms.

who is your god?

2008-11-30T13:35:00.004-06:00

If someone asked me who or what I serve, of course I'd want to say, "God." I think they call that the "Sunday school answer": The answer you know is right but is not necessarily true when you look at your life. I was listening to a sermon by Wes Crawford from Redeemer Fellowship on Worship as I drove back to Manhattan and I was confronted with these questions: Do I have idols in my life? Am I worshiping creation rather than the Creator? Is there anything in this world that if it were lacking might cause me to decide I can no longer be happy or life is not worth living?

We see idols of acceptance and control and worry and we become tolerant. It's okay for us to buy excessive amounts of clothing because we just want people to like us, and that's socially acceptable. Right? I think the sin that can often be the most dangerous is that which is socially acceptable, that which society looks at and excuses or justifies. Sometimes, they call it a disorder, as if putting that label on it will suddenly make it excusable. Now it's not your fault. Does this give you hope? Sin and idols have power by virtue of the satisfaction or justification they promise. They can't deliver on that promise but our belief that they can is what keeps us coming back to them over and over again. Apart from Christ, we are enslaved to these idols.

How do you know what your idols are? Try asking yourself these questions. Be honest.

What do I worry about most?
What, if I failed or lost it, would cause me to feel that I did not even want to live?
What do I rely on or comfort myself with when things go bad or get difficult?
What do I do to cope?
What are my release valves?
What do I think most easily about?
What does my mind go to when I am free?
What do I daydream about?
What makes me feel the most self-worth?
What am I the proudest of?
What do I want to be known for?
What do I really want and expect out of life?
What would make me really happy?
What is my hope for the future?
How do I spend my time?
How do I spend my money?
What makes me angry?
What circumstances are so important in my life than I cannot be happy without them?

Answer these questions and you will have found your god.

The gospel frees us from idolatry. I won't outline the whole sermon, but check it out for yourself here.

1 John 5:19-21
We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true- even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. Dear children, keep yourself from idols.

Who is this God?

2008-11-25T08:22:00.005-06:00

I remember reading this book when I was little called "Seven Blind Mice" by Ed Young. It's a story about seven blind mice who discover something strange one day. To figure out what it is, they take turns going out and exploring the matter. Then they come back and share what they have discovered. The Monday red mouse runs up and down the "strange thing's" leg and comes back saying, "It's a pillar." The Tuesday green mouse comes across the trunk and comes back saying it is "snake." The next, a "spear," then a "great cliff," then a "fan" (the ear), and a "rope" (the tail). The last mouse goes out and feels the entire "strange something," back and forth, top to bottom, and all around. The last mouse returns and exclaims, "It's an elephant!"

This morning in Bible study we asked the question "Who is God?" After an hour, we had barely scratched the surface, discovering that our God is so beyond our comprehension (Isaiah 55:8) that we tend to see Him in smaller parts at the time, for the wholeness of him is too great for us to understand. In Exodus 3:14, God identifies himself as "I AM." [The Hebrew word YHWH (sometimes pronounced "yahweh"), which is the verb "to be."] God is so big that a single attribute fails to thoroughly define Him.

How cool is it that God reveals parts of Himself to us in different ways, yet as a community of believers we experience them all. The same God who sees and provides (YHVH Yireh, Gen. 22:14) also is the Lord who makes holy (YHVH M'kadesh, Ezekiel 37:28). In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word "Elohim" (or "Elohay") is used 2,300 times. It comes from the Hebrew word for "strength" or "power."

I am in love with all attributes of God, but one that especially stands out to me is that God is approachable (Psalms 145:18). God invites us to talk to Him. He invites us to be in a relationship with him... just as we are. We aren't required to get our acts together before approaching the throne of God. Come just as you are. We don't have to be holy or theologically correct; we can talk to God conversationally. He is loving and accepting when we go to Him, and when we can't find the words, that's okay because he understands every aspect of your situation including the past and future elements. And he gives us the Holy Spirit to communicate with God when we cannot find words.

In our relationships with other people, we get frustrated because we spend all of our time trying to express to others, "This is who I am, and this is how I feel." And people continually fail to understand us. God does.

Like the seven blind mice, we can only see parts of God at a time. We can come together and share our experiences of Him to develop a greater picture of who our Lord is. We can piece together what He tells us about himself in his word and what he shows us in his creation. Like a blind mouse, I fail to see the whole picture. But every day is a new adventure, discovering the parts of my Creator and piecing them together to get a glimpse of something truly Beautiful.